Warlord (2025)

The city of Lloris was built and ruled by elves for millennia.  Then the humans came to trade.  Then they settled.  Finally, they moved against the elves and forced them from their ancient city.  Today, the elves are viewed as legend, not seen in two centuries.

Elwynn Brokenleaf (Stuart Brennan) and Tyfell Fallenoak (Richard Goss) are wood elves out on a hunt.  While ranging near the ancient city, they spot a naked human flee through the woods.  The man, Cameron, is brought down by other humans.  The humans castrate him, apply hot tar, and then a basket of feathers.  They leave him to die.  Tyfell left an apple at the man's side though Elwynn thought it a waste.

Lloris is now ruled by the sheriff (Billy Boyd) and his yellow-clad goon squad.  Each day, taxes are raised, putting out business after business.  The castrated man had been a baker who could not pay the tax; the punishment was extreme.  Emily (Aliona Baranova) is something of a leader among the people, aiding other bakers in paying the taxes.  Cameron has slipped back into town and tells his tale of elves and apples.  Emily takes the apple and has a grand plan.

Emily's parents had ruled the city before the sheriff came.  She was too young to know how the sheriff replaced her parents.  However, her parents had a fondness for elf things - like goblets - and knew some elf lore.  One thing Emily remembered was how to summon elves:

As once we were lost, together we may be found, let us come to speak and find common ground

She spoke the words at the foot of a great tree in the woods with the elfin apple as a focus.  Sure enough, an elf appeared.  Llanofinn Brokenleaf (Jennifer English) was not happy to talk to a human and had little sympathy for her plight.  Nonetheless, she agreed to consult with the elves and give an answer about aiding against the tyrannical sheriff.

The characters are mostly bland.  Billy Boyd doesn't sell himself as a villain.  Sure, he delivers bad guy lines, but has the face of a friendly hobbit.  Stuart is flat as Elwynn, which kind of works but also makes him boring.  He offers all sorts of sage wisdom to the young Tyfell and takes everything at a slow walk.  Emily is explained backwards.  Her oddly high status among the bakers is not explained until we learn of her origins.  Her friend Sam likewise gets major character development in the climax.  These revelations should not be surprises, since all the citizens know them and only the viewer is left in the dark.

The story progresses at a snail's pace and there is very little action.  When there is action, it is typically a case where the elf fires the bow then we cut to see a man with an arrow in him.  Same goes for sword cuts.  Slash with sword, cut to man with bloody gash.  When the elvish sword dancer arrives, she spins in close up.  No choreography at all.  Despite being set in a fantasy setting, there was very little action.  It is very talky.  So much dialogue.

The movie ends with a massive plot twist, a flipping of the table and a backstab extraordinaire.  The twist does not end the story but demands more story that does not come.  Nope, movie over.  Was this made with a sequel in mind?

Slow and plodding.  Skip.

A Knight's War (2025)

Bhodie (Jeremy Ninaber) woke from a nightmare.  He saw a woman and her red-haired daughter burned at the stake.  He himself arrived in the aftermath.  While the mother had been burned to death, the daughter was unharmed; she was fireproof.  When he reached out to the daughter, she attacked him, which was when he awoke.  Bhodie's brother, William (Matthew Ninaber), asked about the nightmare and was unsurprised when his brother lied.  The two men were knights on a quest.  They sought to fulfill the prophecy that foretold of a Chosen One, red-headed woman, who would bring the light (in a divine sense) back to the realm.  They arrived at a dark tower where a dark ritual was being performed.  They sneaked into the fortress in exactly the way plate mail-clad paladins would not.  Soon, the battle raged as the brothers fought cultists and sought to save the red-haired woman about to be sacrificed to darkness.  And failed.  There was only one chance.  William stabbed Bhodie with the sacrificial blade and dumped him into the pool of blood, same as the redhead.

Bhodie awoke in a dark realm where he met the Gatekeeper (Shane Nicely).  The Gatekeeper explained that there was only one to escape: he must capture three stones from three guardians.  The keeper offered a deal: allow the keeper to accompany him out of this hell, in exchange for an amulet that would allow Bhodie to respawn.  Bhodie accepted and immediately encountered Avalon (Kristen Kaster), the redhead who had been sacrificed; Bhodie recognized her as the daughter from his nightmare.  She did not act nobly and denied the light.  How could she be the Chosen One?  Despite his growing doubts, Bhodie joined forces with Avalon to secure the three stones and thereby bring light back to the world.

The movie is dark and moody.  There is virtually no levity to break the oppressive doom.  The funniest bits are when Bhodie keeps dying when fighting the witches.  Not really funny, just mildly amusing as a gaming trope.  Kind of reminds you of Groundhog Day when Phil had the montage of suicides.  The fight choreography is generally good.  The costumes are quite good, though colorless.  Most of the characters are dressed in dark colors that add to the gloomy color palette of the cinematography.  As for the three guardians, the first proves to be the biggest challenge, which is weird.  Indeed, the next two were relatively easy.  Psychological battles rather than physical ones.  Meh.

Just okay.

Beowulf & Grendel (2005)

A troll and his son were enjoying the outdoors when suddenly a band of riders appeared.  The troll scooped up his son and raced toward the shore.  It was a cliff far above the sea; there was no escape.  He hid his son on a ledge and turned to face the Danes.  Spears, arrows, and fire forced him over the cliff to his death.  Hrothgar (Stellan Skarsgard) looked over the ledge to the dead troll but spotted the child.  What to do?  He left the child and rode away with the others.  Nearly 20 years later, the young troll, Grendel, attacked Hrothgar's newly built hall.  Though Hrothgar himself tried to fight the troll, it ignored him; it only killed his men, specifically Danes.

Over the sea in Geatland, Beowulf (Gerald Butler) and his friends discussed the good times in Geatland.  With all well in the lands, the king agreed that Beowulf and his men should aid Hrothgar in his time of need.  Though Beowulf repeatedly sought battle with the troll, it refused to fight him or his men.  He had given in no reason to kill him.  Hrothgar had not revealed his history with the troll's father.  Beowulf consulted a witch, Selma (Sarah Polley), to discover how to fight the troll.  Eventually, he and his men provide a reason for the troll to kill them.

The movie does a good job with the setting.  The gear, ships, armor, clothing, buildings, and such fit in the early 6th century.  However, the geography is wrong for Denmark.  It is far too rugged and craggy; it was filmed in Iceland.  Though Beowulf has plenty of ego, this version of him also has humility.  He's not nearly the boaster like Ray Winstone's Beowulf (2007).  However, his reputation precedes him wherever he goes.  Even when he is washed ashore near a humble fisherman's wharf, the fisherman knew the tales of Beowulf.

The story is faithful to the source material, but adds a lot too.  After Grendel has died, there follows a battled with Grendel's mother.  She had been shown as an eventual foe when they sailed; her pale white hand would grab men near the rail and try to drag them into the sea.  In the poem, the death of Grendel's mother concluded the troubles.  It does here too, but there are loose ends.  Grendel had a son himself and Beowulf - like Hrothgar before him - was unable to kill the child.  Will a new vengeance cycle start in another decade or so?

It is strange to embrace trolls and sea hags but then have no magic.  The witch says she can foretell death, which appears true.  Was the sword that Beowulf grabbed from her stash a magic one, thus being able to kill the sea hag?  Maybe.  That there was mention of Clovis (466-511) and the presence of Father Brendan (Eddie Marsan) put it firmly in the historical setting, rather than mythical.

Just okay.

Dungeon Soup

Here is a channel that any D&D gamer should bookmark.  The animated shorts are hilarious.  The central character is Chaotic Good Barbarian, a super-high-level block of muscle who defeats the current monster in a humiliating battle.  There are also shorts about Kevin the Paladin.  He is a wimpy and hapless fellow who frequently crosses over with CG Barbarian.  Gnome Quest follows a band of gnomes on a quest; it delivers what it promises.  Of note, the lead gnome is basically Nick Cage.  However, the greatest of all the shorts is Vampire's New Lair.

Highly recommended.

The King of Swords

After turning back the invasion of Lywm-an-Esh with the help of Vadhagh from another plane, Corum and Rhalina returned to Castle Erorn.  His family castle was rebuilt and the pair lived contentedly for a time.  Then, the madness came.  Everyone in the castle began to have short tempers which soon turned violent and then murderous.  This madness had infected the whole plane.  When a delegation of Vadhagh arrived at Erorn, it turned into a fight to the death.

Taking one of the flying ships of the Vadhagh, Corum, Rhalina, and Jhary-a-Conel set out for Lywm-an-Esh to consult with Lord Arkyn.  Finding no solutions there, they were instead pursued by the man who took Corum's hand and eye.  The only hope of escape was to leap to another plane, but the pursuit followed them!  When at last they lost the soldiers of chaos, their craft shattered and they were stranded on some plane beyond the 15 planes.  Only by finding Tanelorn, the eternal city, could they return to their home and hope to counter the madness.  During his plane-hopping adventure, Corum meets his alternate selves: Elric of Melnibone and Lord Erekose.  It will take all three to defeat the creature of the Black Tower and find their way to Tanelorn.

The story hops from setting to setting, using the near omniscient and immortal Jhary to explain the oddities of the current plane.  As with previous books in the series, there is a deus ex machina feel to the story.  That the Lost Gods, whose hand and eye had been grafted to Corum in the first book, appear as saviors in this book shows that it was all foreordained.  Corum and his friends are mere pawns with no ability to determine their fate.

Compared to Elric, Corum is a bland hero.  Of course, he is from a sedate race of people who gladly spend decades composing a melody.  Just okay.  This series is only for the diehard Moorcock fan.

The Queen of Swords

Corum and Rhalina are enjoying their lives together in the wake of his victory over Arioch, the Knight of Swords.  Lord Arkyn, a god of law, now holds sway though his power remains weak.  The arrival of Jhary-a-Conel reveals the precarious situation despite Arioch's defeat.  Though their god is banished, the forces of chaos still dominate the plane.  They have called upon the Queen of Swords, Xiombarg, to provide support for eradicating the only nation allied with the forces of law.  Corum, Jhary, Rhalina and her retinue sail to Lywm-an-Esh, an idyllic kingdom, that must hold against the forces of chaos.  Sadly, they are not prepared, having lived in peace for too long.  Lord Arkyn suggests that Corum and company travel to the planes ruled by Xiombarg and recruit aid from the City in the Pyramid.  Of course, if Xiombarg discovered that the being who banished her brother was traipsing through her realm, she would surely kill him.  But the risk must be taken or chaos would destroy Lywm-an-Esh.

Jhary-a-Conel introduces himself as the Companion of Champions.  He is entirely self-aware of his various existences in which he finds himself a sidekick to the likes of Corum, Elric, and others.  This doesn't sit well.  It gives a sense of inevitability to the story.  I've done this many, many times and I'm still in the game, always siding with the hero.  This story is just one big deus ex machina, foretold by the mysterious forces of balance.

Corum makes more extensive use of the Hand of Kwll and the Eye of Rhynn, but somehow fails to use them enough.  Whatever the currently summoned allies kill are doomed to be his next batch of undead allies.  If he just spent his time summoning more undead allies as his current ones killed his enemies, he should be able to overcome almost any odds.  One supposes that his reticence to even use these powers explains why he does adopt such a strategy.

The City in the Pyramid proves to be a Vadhagh enclave that had traveled the planes long ago and got stranded in a plane now ruled by Xiombarg.  Corum is understandably ecstatic to find he is not the last Vadhagh after all.  The city is a technical/magical marvel.  It has force fields and flying ships.  If only they had some specific materials, they would be able to bring the City in the Pyramid back to their home plane and aid the folk of Lywm-an-Esh.

Entertaining.

The Knight of Swords

Prince Corum of the Scarlet Robe lived in an isolated castle with his parents, siblings, and a handful of servants.  He was a Vadhagh, a race of people who predated the coming of man, here called Mabden.  The Vadhagh, who had lifespans of a thousand years, rarely ventured from their remote castles.  The doings of the barbarous Mabden were of little interest to them.  However, Corum's father was curious about his brother and asked that Corum visit him and get news.  What Corum discovered was ruins and corpses.  The Mabden had been slaughtering the Vadhagh, one remote castle at a time.  Racing back to his home, Corum arrived to find his family slaughtered and the castle in flames.  In a mad rage that he had never even conceived possible in his hundreds of years, he dared to attack the Mabden.  Though he killed many, they captured him and promised a long torturous death as he was the very last of his kind.

He was rescued by a mysterious being during a lull in his torture and taken to a castle of Mabden!  These Mabden proved to be civilized, having adopted much of Vadhagh culture.  Here, he was able to recover from his ordeal, but he was forever maimed.  He had lost an eye and a hand.  He had hardly recovered when the same barbarous Mabden arrived at this castle.  Though the castle held out against this first attack, they would return with greater numbers next year.  Something must be done!

So it was that Prince Corum sought a wizard on the Isle of the Gorged God.  The wizard, Shool, 'gifted' Corum with a six-fingered hand and a faceted gem-like eye that granted him powers.  So armed, he could face the Sword Rulers, the gods of chaos who brought the Mabden into this world and sought to purges the races that had been left by the gods of law, notably the Vadhagh.  Alone, Corum set out on his quest to somehow acquire the heart of Arioch - the Knight of Swords - and deliver it to Shool.

This is very different from Elric, the most famous of Moorcock's Eternal Champions.  Where Elric's folk were a cruel people with powers far beyond the regular folk that they terrorized and oppressed, Corum is a member of a vastly superior culture that has atrophied beyond violence and thus suffered when it arrived in the form of barbarian raiders.  The attack on the Vadhagh castles is similar to the Vikings sacking Christian churches along the English coast.

The story has some aspects that don't work well.  The Mabden ride chariots to battle, despite the existence of stirrups.  That is unusual.  The land is described as vast forests, which are not friendly to chariots.  The castle of the civilized Mabden, as described, should have easily resisted the assault, but instead was nearly overwhelmed.  There is much talk of the five planes and how the older races could shift among them, thus becoming effectively invisible.  Cool.  Beyond that, the other planes are a mystery.  Could some of his people long ago have migrated to one of these other planes and lived in peace?  Considering how often the five planes are mentioned - or the 15 planes, of which the 5 are Arioch's domain - there is precious little explanation of these alternate planes.  Maybe The Queen of Swords will explain.

Corum is not an engaging character.  He reminds me of Frodo.  He doesn't want to go on an adventure but duty calls.  His success comes often by dumb luck rather than his skill and ingenuity.  Often, his six-fingered hand makes decisions that he would not, but the hand is always right.  Yeah, he is too frequently the victim of fate, a pawn in a game he doesn't realize he is playing.  Is he a hero or just a random gear in the machinery?

Just okay.  Perhaps the rest of the trilogy will build on this foundation.