Outlaw of Gore (1988)

Tarl Cabot (Urbano Barberini) is leading an unhappy life since his return from Gor.  One of his fellow professors, Watney Smith (Russel Savadier), is failing miserably in his efforts to hook up with any woman who will have him.  Though Watney wants to try another bar, Cabot is ready to call it a night.  He offers to drive Watney home first.  While driving, Cabot's ring starts glowing.  The pair find themselves in the midst of a desert on Gor!  While Cabot is thrilled, Watney is baffled and concerned.  Eventually, the pair find their way to Koruba, the place that Cabot freed on his last visit to Gor.  Now, a new danger threatens.  The young queen has conspired with Xeno the Priest (Jack Palance) to usurp the throne and lay the blame on Cabot.  Can Cabot escape Queen Lara's clutches and also rescue his beloved, Talena (Rebecca Ferratti)?

This is worse than the last film.  The fight choreography is pathetic.  The queen's plans are so obvious that no one would fall for them.  Jack Palance, like Oliver Reed before him, is here for the paycheck only.  His villian might have been more impressive if he wasn't constantly thwarted by the brainless queen.  His death is so sudden and badly done that I had to rewind to see what happened.  Rather than some great and heroic warrior, Cabot comes across as a dull-witted fool.  He doesn't win because he outsmarts or outfights the enemy, but because he is the good guy.  Worst of all, everyone is saying 'Cabot' repeatedly and endlessly.  His name is spoken 55 times in the first 10 minutes!  35 times, it was the tediously annoying Watney.  Speaking of Watney, he proves to be even dumber than Cabot.  What college is it that these two are professors?  Yikes, don't enroll there.

Being set in Gor, one expects sexy women wearing next to nothing.  Talena, Queen Lara, and the nameless slave that Cabot rescues are all quite attractive but there isn't a lot of focus on them.  The 'plot' is more important than the eye candy.  Where Talena and Cabot traveled together in much of the previous film, in this one they are separated early and have individual storylines; that really limits Rebecca's screen time.  It's like the filmmakers don't understand the main draw for a Gor film.

Skip this one.

Gor

Gor opens in a college classroom somewhere in New Hampshire. Professor Tarl Cabot is telling his students about his magic ring that science has not yet explained; they think he is a loon. So does anyone watching the movie. Tarl has planned a weekend with his girlfriend/grad student that will involve a remote cabin and some fishing. She dumps him. Even so, Tarl decides to drive in torrential rain to the cabin but crashes his car into a tree.

Tarl awakens in a desert that bears no resemblance to New Hampshire. He sees a village being attacked and watches from behind a rock. The people are relatively primitive, wielding swords and spears. As Tarl is an oaf, he manages to get spotted by some of the attackers and runs – girl-like – away from the horsemen. Then, quite by accident, he manages to kill Sarm's son; Sarm (Oliver Reed) is the lead villain. Tarl is saved by the remaining villagers and taught to fight. He learns that in order to return to New Hampshire, he must recover the home stone that was stolen by Sarm.

Soon, a party assembles. There is Tarl, the other-worlder (he is not the first to come from this mythical place called Earth), Talena the studded-leather bikini wearing babe (played by Rebecca Ferratti, a Playboy Playmate), an old man, a young warrior, and a dwarf (not the bearded kind, just a short guy who thinks he's funny). This motley crew traverses the desert to do battle with Sarm.

The big thing about Gor is that women are often held as slaves. In fact, in some regions, they can only be slaves and it is illegal to have a woman who isn't chained. This woman-as-sex-slave theme has marked the Gor novels as sexist and misogynistic. The movie happily follows along.

It actually comes as a bit of a surprise that Tarl chose to return home at the end. On Earth, he was a loser who got dumped by his average-looking girlfriend. On Gor, he was an accomplished warrior who had Talena desiring him. However, the movie ends with a clear indication of a sequel, even introducing Xenos (Jack Palance).

This is Spaghetti Sword & Sorcery, with mediocre acting, terrible editing, a lousy script, and inexplicable actions by the characters. It is amazing the sequel was made. The only reason to watch this is to see Rebecca Ferratti run around in her lack of clothes and fight a variety of foes between incidents of bondage.

Paul L. Smith has a role that I do not remember.  Also, Arnold Vosloo - who went on to be the Mummy in the Brendan Fraiser franchise - had one of his earliest roles here.

Hawk the Slayer

Though this 1980 movie has been the butt of jokes at many a gaming table where I sat, I had not seen the entire film until few days ago (December 2011). It was better than I expected.

The story is not told in a linear fashion, allowing some facts to be revealed through flashback. Voltan (Jack Palance) and Hawk (John Terry) are brothers, sons of a noteworthy lord who holds the last of the Elven Mindstones. Though Voltan is the elder brother, it is Hawk who marries the beautiful Eliane. Full of jealous rages, Voltan plans to kill Hawk and take Eliane for his own. Eliane foils his plan by burning his face with a torch and helping the wounded Hawk to escape. Meaning to kill Hawk, Voltan instead kills Eliane. Voltan next goes to his father's castle and mortally wounds him but is unable to acquire the Elven Mindstone. Hawk comes to his dying father and is given the Mindstone. Some years later, Hawk returns to his homeland and learns that Voltan has taken an abbess captive and is ransoming her. With the help of Gort the Giant, Baldin the Dwarf, Crow the Elf, Ranulf the one-handed crossbowman, and a nameless blind witch, Hawk seeks to save the abbess and avenge his wife and father.

The storyline is actually pretty good. Sadly, the effects are poor, the acting is weak, and the sets are pathetic. Much of the action takes place in smoke-filled swamps and smoke-filled woods. I suppose it was meant to be fog. The characters are standard D&D faire. Hawk is a noble fighter who wields the Mind Sword. It seems to do a great job of blocking arrows or knives. It also returns to Hawk's hand with a thought (don't waste your attacks trying to disarm this guy). Gort the Giant is hardly giant. Sure, he is played by a 6'7" actor but that isn't even ogre height. He fights with a massive mallet and spends much of his time arguing with the dwarf over food. Baldin the Dwarf is always eating something and is armed with a whip. Yes, dwarves and their whips are famous. Also, though short, he is too skinny and entirely too chipper for a dwarf though at least he has a beard. Crow the Elf has a perpetual five o'clock shadow and dresses in a hooded brown jumpsuit. Though he only has a dozen arrows in his quiver, he never runs low and he fires faster than any other elf in film or fiction. Villains fall as quickly as if a machinegun had just swept their lines. Legolas has nothing on Crow. Ranulf the One-Handed Crossbowman is as legendary as Crow. His crossbow has a clip and self-cocks. Even one-handed, Ranulf proves to be murderous with his crossbow. On film, this is hilarious. Lastly, the blind witch is initially used for her talents at divination but later her spells assist the heroes in their quest.

Voltan has become the pawn of some figure simply referred to as the Devil. Maybe it is the Devil or perhaps just a devil. In any case, he checks in with the devil from time to time, mostly to help deaden the pain of his burned face. Voltan has a band of goons who seem to be camped in the swamp, which certainly makes it seem he is little more than a brigand. However, he claims to rule the region and no lord has yet shown up to disagree. Voltan has a headstrong son named Drogo. The movie is littered with petty villains -the hunchback slaver being the most noteworthy - who meet a well-deserved end.

The funny thing about the film is that Hawk is just about the least powerful character of the bunch. While Crow and Ranulf are mowing down goons and Gort is laying waste with sweeps of his massive mallet, Hawk engages in a bit of swordplay. Of course, he gets the glory of killing the named villains (one supposes the highest level villains), he just doesn't compare.

The movie ends on a teaser. Voltan's body is carried off by the devil who promises to revive him to continue his work. Though Baldin and Ranulf died, Hawk and Gort set out south at the witch's direction on a quest to fight evildoers. There is a website that proposes a sequel to be called Hawk the Hunter. It seems that Hawk the Slayer was the first of a trilogy. The next movie - in the works for some years now - is supposed to be Hawk the Hunter, Hawk must prevent the undead Voltan from acquiring a Dark Sword.

All in all, this is a must see for any D&D fan. Sure, it's clunky and low budget but it's a movie that a gamer would make. Maybe a 12 year-old gamer, but a gamer.