Thursday, November 23, 2023

Swords against Wizardry

This 4th book in the series sees the duo back in Nehwon and up to their old antics.  The first and third story are written mainly to link the other tales, but still prove entertaining.

In the Witch’s Tent (1968)

Having returned to Nehwon, Fafhrd and Gray Mouser consult a witch to divine the fate of their expedition.  While they await a result, a spear stabs through the tent.  They have been ambushed by a rival group who plan to go on the same expedition and want to eliminate the competition!  They are vastly outnumbered and all looks hopeless.  Fafhrd grabs the center post of the tent and yanks it from the ground.  The tent is built like an umbrella, the outerwalls being little more than drapes.  The tent is now in motion and Mouser deals with any threat that slips into the tent while Fafhrd flees through the dark streets of the town.  The pair miraculously escape, killing some of their foes in the process.

Stardock (1965)

In search of a fabled treasure in the Cold Wastes of the far north, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser arrive in the shadow of a tremendous range of mountains.  Towering above them all is Stardock, a titan among the mountains and rumored to be the path the gods took to the heavens, thus its name.  On this particular adventure, they are joined by a large cat named Hrissa.  The pair commence their climb of the mountain along the tougher of the known routes.  All along the way, they are troubled by dreams of a woman watching them and a flying beast that is like a giant bat.  When they reach the top, they find that the mountain is inhabited by an invisible race who are hostile to visitors.  In fact, the competing team that climbed the mountain is slaughtered by the invisible mountain residents.  Fafhrd and Mouser are whisked away by a pair of invisible princesses who make love to them to add fresh blood to the race of invisible folk.  Most of the story involves climbing the mountain and the various difficult legs of the ascent.  Though that sounds like it would be dreary, it was quite well written and exciting.  That was certainly the best part.  The invisible race felt hokey and proved to be a let down after such an epic telling of the climb.

The Two Best Thieves in Lankhmar (1968)

Having returned to Lankhmar, Fafhrd and Gray Mouser are loitering near the fencing district and note the various hoods and criminals in the area.  Each commends the other as being a particularly talented thief, and they agree that they are the 2 best in the city.  As it happens, each is in the district to sell the invisible gems that they were given by the invisible princesses of Stardock.  Each has secured his share in an ingenious way to avoid them being stolen and each has selected a different person to buy them.  The two part company.  Mouser meets with Ogo the Blind, a fence who only operates in the dark and uses his fingers to inspect jewels.  In this meeting, a lithe young woman serves as the Eye of Ogo and inspects the invisible gems in a gloomy room.  A brief sound makes Mouser look over his shoulder to see the vague outline of a hulking figure, presumably Ogo.  The Eye says to come back tomorrow for payment.  He departs with his gems.  Meanwhile, Fafhrd meets with Nemia of the Dusk, an older though still attractive woman.  The two lay arm in arm after making love and Nemia agrees to Fafhrd’s price for his gems.  Then there is a hiss!  Fafhrd turns to see a cat at the head of the bed.  He then hears a click!  Turning back to Nemia, he sees that she has placed a bracelet on his wrist, beside his ingenious container for his gems.  “A sign of my affection,” she tells him.  On the morrow, she will pay him for his gems.  Fafhrd and Mouser meet at the Silver Eel to celebrate their coming wealth.  However, each discovers that their gems are gone, having been stolen!  Enjoying one another’s company, Nemia and the Eye of Ogo chuckle at how they have stolen the invisible gems from Fafhrd and Mouser.  Each commends the other on their skills and declare themselves to be the two best thieves in Lankhmar.

The Lords of Quarmall (1964)

Quarmall is an ancient realm that is ruled by powerful sorcerers.  At the moment, the ruler is Quarmall.  He has two sons – Hasjarl and Gwaay – who hope to succeed him.  Each son has soldiers and sorcerers but each opted to hire a champion.  As chance (?) would have it, Hasjarl hired Fafhrd and Gwaay hired Gray Mouser.  Neither is aware that the other is in Quarmall.  Not only are the sons plotting how to do away with one another, but also ridding themselves of their father to provide a vacant throne.  Obviously, neither Fafhrd nor Gray Mouser are particularly loyal to the brothers, always keeping an eye out for quick profit.  When Quarmall's death is announced, the clashes come.  There is a hilarious bit where Mouser tries a powerful spell that will disintegrate any sorcerer below the first rank who is within range; all of Gwaay's sorcerers assure him that they are 1st rank.  That proves not to be true.  While Mouser accidentally topples Gwaay's magical defenses, Fafhrd finds himself on the run from Hasjarl in order to save a lovely servant from torture.  The story is full of twists and turns, betrayals and surprises.  Can Fafhrd and Mouser escape the underground mazes of Quarmall; none have escaped before!

Most entertaining and highly recommended.

Friday, July 28, 2023

The Legend of Vox Machina (season 2)

The finale of the last season had several dragons descending on the capitol city.  They lay waste to the city, forcing Vox Machina to flee to their stronghold.  While considering what to do next, a dragon attacks their keep.  A desperate escape follows.  The dragons are the Chrome Conclave.  They are led by a red dragon who has plans beyond mere conquest, but those are held close to his scales.  Vox Machina determines that they need help and go to the city of the gods (has temples for each) to request help: denied.  However, they do learn that they need to collect powerful artefacts known as the Vestiges of Divergence.  While they are hunting for artefacts, one of the dragons is hunting them.

The season provides additional background for many of the characters.  Percy was effectively the central focus last season and received lots of attention.  Pike also got a lot of attention with her crisis of faith story arc.  This time, the twins departure from the elfin city is shown as a prelude to their return.  It is not a happy reunion.  The elf father is not so keen on his half-elf children.  Also, the first meeting of Vex and her animal companion, Trinket the bear, is shown.  Elsewhere, there are the events that led to Grog's exile from his tribe - called the Herd, which neatly leads into his strong ties to Pike the gnome.  Even Keyleth the druid gets some more backstory as she encounters her father and completes part of her 'Aramente' related to fire.  Huh, it almost sounds like she is a variant of Ang the Last Airbender.  She is an Air Ashari who needs to gain proficiency in each of the elements to complete her Aramente.  Hmm.  Even Scanlan has some interesting developments.  Heck, he proves to be the hero in more than one battle.

The combat is hyperactive.  The characters are always running, flying, flipping, jumping, or otherwise moving around the battlefield.  The party has no one who stands toe-to-toe with the enemy, except maybe for Grog.  Granted, it is hard to stand toe-to-toe with a dragon, but the lack of a tank character is peculiar.

Good popcorn fun and recommended.  Can hardly wait for the next season.

Tuesday, July 18, 2023

The Legend of Vox Machina

The kingdom of Tal'Dorei is beset by some unseen terror that is wiping out farming communities.  The latest band of heros that were sent to defeat it were all killed.  Thus, the king sent out a call for a new set of adventurers.  Enter Vox Machina, a rowdy band who volunteer - not out of the goodness of their hearts but for the reward.  Not at all your typical adventuring party.  There are the half-elf twins: Vex the ranger with her bear companion, Trinket, and Vax the Rogue.  There is the half-elf druid, Keyleth.  Then there are the gnomes: Scanlan the randy bard and Pike the cleric.  Rounding out the party are Percy the human gunslinger (I didn't realize there was such a class) and Grog the goliath barbarian (goliath must be something like a half-giant in this setting).  It is odd that this party has no tank character.    In any case, the king accepts this quirky party and has them escorted to the area that has seen the trouble.  The party soon encounter a dragon, utterly failing to injure it but managing to survive the fight themselves.

The dragon adventure is only the beginning of this season of epic adventure.  No sooner have they gained their reward - a rundown keep where they can live until the kingdom needs them again - than Percy's past arrives in town.  The Sylas and Delilah Briarwood arrive in the capitol from Whitestone.  It was they who slaughtered Percy's family and he means to take he revenge.  Of course, Sylas is a powerful vampire and Delilah is an even more powerful necromancer.  It will take at least 10 exciting episodes for the party to overcome such a cable duo and their various minions.

Though visually attractive, the story is often weak.  There are times when the characters seem to be abysmally stupid.  In one battle, the party finds themselves fighting several iron golems that prove entirely immune to all of their attacks.  However, the man controlling the iron golems is standing out in the open and talking smack while no one thinks to attack him.  Right.  Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.  The party is off to fight the undead, but their cleric is indisposed.  Um, yeah, that's really not a good idea.  Wait for the cleric.  To the good, there is a lot of roleplaying here.  These aren't paper cutout characters.  They all have strengths and flaws, they have cliques among themselves and don't walk in lockstep.

As for the world of Exandria, it has that multicultural mix that is required today.  Yes, the king of this European-like country is black.  The citizens are a mix of this and that.  I wonder if the Africa-based continent has a white king with mostly black subjects.

Good popcorn fun.

Friday, July 7, 2023

Walking in Circles

The Walking in Circles web series had two seasons, the first in 2011 and the second in 2014.  Though I watched many such web series at the time, I somehow missed this one.  Better late than never.

Season 1: The show opens with Krag (Eric Radic) sits down in a tavern and puts on a microphone for an off screen interviewer.  Ah, this is going to do The Office in a D&D setting.  Krag explains that he is a barbarian prince on a quest to avenge his father, who was eaten by a dragon.  He recruited the various party members, but now regrets virtually all of them.  Markus (Adam Rady) is a wizard school dropout whose debt has been sent to collections.  Though he can do magic, he never got the wizard hat (which is like the diploma in this world).  Angie (Katie Wilson) is a pacifist druid who mostly serves as healer.  Garrand (Jonah Priour) is a bard who is either terrified of the latest encounter or singing very badly while strumming his lute.  Lastly, Alex (multiple actresses) is a black-clad knife-wielding psychopath.  She is the most competent member of the party and almost completely mute.

Except for the first episode, each installment begins with Garrand recapping the last story in a song that always ends with "Walking in circles again and again and again and again."  Though brief, the episodes are often slow.  Pacing could use some work.  The fight choreography is unimpressive.  It was funny how Alex was repeatedly recast through the series (5 different actresses played the part) and was largely ignored beyond the first switch.  There were some really good gags.  Garrand's countersong against the sirens was hilarious.  Despite his bad singing and often being annoying, Garrand was the stand out character.  By the end of the season, the party has reached the dragon but discovered that the quest was not what it seemed.  A new quest is set for the next season.

Season 2: The episode begins with the party teleporting into a wooded area.  Sadly, Garrand has materialized inside a tree, only his arm sticking out with his lute.  Well, so much for that character.  Dang.  With the absence of Garrand, the opening song recap is no longer part of the show.  Also, the tavern interviews have been dumped.  Yes, it is a very different format.  It turns out that Markus teleported them to the wrong place and now the party has to go on a series of mini-quests to undo a curse.  Once that is done, Markus teleports them to the right place.  And that's the end of the series.  Really?  Sigh.

With Garrand gone, the character of Squire Quigley (Ben Burch) was added.  Quigley is every bit as annoying as Garrand but lacks the positive qualities.  The fight choreography is marginally better and mostly sees Alex outclassing multiple guys at a time with her tiny knife.  Markus has a wizard's duel that must have drained the special effects budget.

As with many of these web series, it had promise but didn't last long enough to tell its story.  Definitely worth watching for some of its gags and funny takes on gaming.

Thursday, July 6, 2023

Outlaw of Gore (1988)

Tarl Cabot (Urbano Barberini) is leading an unhappy life since his return from Gor.  One of his fellow professors, Watney Smith (Russel Savadier), is failing miserably in his efforts to hook up with any woman who will have him.  Though Watney wants to try another bar, Cabot is ready to call it a night.  He offers to drive Watney home first.  While driving, Cabot's ring starts glowing.  The pair find themselves in the midst of a desert on Gor!  While Cabot is thrilled, Watney is baffled and concerned.  Eventually, the pair find their way to Koruba, the place that Cabot freed on his last visit to Gor.  Now, a new danger threatens.  The young queen has conspired with Xeno the Priest (Jack Palance) to usurp the throne and lay the blame on Cabot.  Can Cabot escape Queen Lara's clutches and also rescue his beloved, Talena (Rebecca Ferratti)?

This is worse than the last film.  The fight choreography is pathetic.  The queen's plans are so obvious that no one would fall for them.  Jack Palance, like Oliver Reed before him, is here for the paycheck only.  His villian might have been more impressive if he wasn't constantly thwarted by the brainless queen.  His death is so sudden and badly done that I had to rewind to see what happened.  Rather than some great and heroic warrior, Cabot comes across as a dull-witted fool.  He doesn't win because he outsmarts or outfights the enemy, but because he is the good guy.  Worst of all, everyone is saying 'Cabot' repeatedly and endlessly.  His name is spoken 55 times in the first 10 minutes!  35 times, it was the tediously annoying Watney.  Speaking of Watney, he proves to be even dumber than Cabot.  What college is it that these two are professors?  Yikes, don't enroll there.

Being set in Gor, one expects sexy women wearing next to nothing.  Talena, Queen Lara, and the nameless slave that Cabot rescues are all quite attractive but there isn't a lot of focus on them.  The 'plot' is more important than the eye candy.  Where Talena and Cabot traveled together in much of the previous film, in this one they are separated early and have individual storylines; that really limits Rebecca's screen time.  It's like the filmmakers don't understand the main draw for a Gor film.

Skip this one.

Sunday, June 20, 2021

Swords Against Death

A short story collection from 1970 that comprises adventures of Fafhrd the towering Northern Barbarian and Gray Mouser the diminutive streetwise rogue.

The Circle Curse (1970)

In the wake of their fight in the Thieves Guild to avenge the deaths of their beloveds, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser determine to leave Lankhmar and never return. They have hardly ridden out the gate and into the salt marshes when a wizard confronts them. Sheelba of the Eyeless Face sits in a mobile hut, not unlike that of Baba Yaga, and tells the pair that they will return to Lankhmar. The two spend years traveling through the lands and encountering what the world has to offer. Then, they find themselves sleeping in a cave and are suddenly confronted by another wizard, Ningauble of the Seven Eyes. As Sheelba had said when they set out, Ningauble repeated. The two were destined to return to Lankhmar.

This is less of a story than filler or background information. The introduction of these important wizards who both use Fafhard and Gray Mouser as pawns in their inscrutable schemes is the main purpose. The travelogue of their adventures is little more than a sentence per country or region. Really, any of those throw away lines might have made a better foundation for a story than this.

The Jewels in the Forest (1939)

Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser are bound for a secret keep that supposedly houses immense riches in diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, and rubies. Seemingly by accident, they discovered a 400 year old document that detailed the place. Determined to ransack the wealth, they had set out. En route, they rode into an ambush but easily drove off the amateurs. The structure proved to be a domed structure with smaller flanking domes and a towering monolith. Getting near it inspires fear. They again encounter their ambushers and this time defeat them. Within the structure, the fear is almost unbearable. They find skeletons that show they are not the first to dare to ransack it. Moreover, one of the dead has a manuscript that also details the place. Had the builder left many such manuscripts to lure robbers to their doom?

An extremely good story with action and suspense. The rumored giant who emerged to crush people is not quite what it seems and keeps one waiting for a monster. In Nehwon, gems can hold great magic and even sentience.

Thieves’ House (1943)

The guild master of the thieves wants to plunder a relic from an impregnable dungeon but he has no thief who could do it. However, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser could do it. He dispatched his most diplomatic thief to convince them to steal it and then, once done, to take it from them! This he does and arrives at the Thieves’ House just ahead of them. The jeweled skull and hands are deposited on the table before the guild master. Success.

Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser overcome the guards at the door and find their way to the guild master’s hall. He is dead and a woman rushes out a secret passage with the skull in hand. And now the other thieves are closing in. In their flight, the pair are separated. Fafhrd stumbles into a long forgotten basement in the vast catacombs where more jewel-encrusted skulls and hands await him.

Though several thieves who appeared in Ill Met in Lankhmar return, their fates at grim. As with The Jewels in the Forest, gems are sources of power. A jewel-encrusted skull and hands are not things with which to trifle.

The Bleak Shore (1940)

While gambling in Lankhmar, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser are confronted by a cadaverous man. He is Death. When Death dares one to sail to the bleak shore beyond the western sea, one does not decline. Like automatons, the pair set out. Some months later, a lone sailor returns from the ship the duo purchased. He tells a tale of woe. Of the 5 crewmen hired, he is the final survivor. When the ship arrived at the bleak shore, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser instructed to crew to sail home.

Picking up on the bleak shore, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser find some strange eggs that hatch metallic monsters with swords for arms. Can they overcome these creatures or is this their doom?

A weird story with awkward splits in the narrative. There is the opening where they meet Death and set out. This is followed by the tale, told by the sailor in some Lankhmar tavern, about the events of the voyage. His story concludes with the duo disembarking on a lonely beach. Then we switch back to the two heroes. Interesting story but it doesn’t flow well.

The Howling Tower (1941)

Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser cross a vast plain, an empty wasteland where they occasionally here wolves howling in the distance. They had hired a guide who claimed to know the way but he vanished one night. The howling grew louder. The next night, Fafhrd vanished. The Gray Mouser followed his comrade’s trail to an abandoned village where there was a tower. The only inhabitant was a terrified old man who spoke of the wolves who haunted him. However, he can end their howling for a while if he makes a sacrifice.

Fear is a huge factor in many of the stories. Characters are often overcome with paralyzing fear that they cannot understand. Fafhrd and Gray Mouser typically control their fear but they see those who have not.

The Sunken Land (1942)

Finally aboard a small boat that they have acquired, the pair are sailing back from the Bleak Shore and toward Lankhmar. They pass near a longship that might be from the cold northern lands of Fafhrd’s youth. In a sudden confrontation with the ship’s crew, Fafhrd is aboard the longship and watches the Gray Mouser vanish into the stormy sea on their little boat. Fafhrd is the sailor of the two and he fears his comrade will be doomed.

The crew of the longship are indeed from Fafhrd’s homeland and they have sworn a vow of silence until they discover the remains of the Sunken Land. Soon after, they come upon a desolate island with half-sunken buildings. Now speaking, their leader commands them to seek out the treasure of the place. The land is not abandoned and holds dangers these men are unprepared to face.

A story in the vein of Atlantis, the ship seeks the wealth of this advanced and lost civilization but instead discovers the source of its doom. As with the ancient manuscripts that lured treasure seekers to the murderous forest keep in Jewels in the Forest, the Sunken Land also provided clues for would-be pillagers to find their doom. More of an escape story than a warrior’s tale.

The Seven Black Priests (1953)

Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser have arrived on the mainland but they are far afield on an unfamiliar coast. As they traverse a little-traveled path, a strange figure swoops down from above to attack them and tumbles down the cliff once they have killed him. Oddly, the man was dark-skinned as if he was from much further south. Soon after, they come upon a bizarre and hellish-looking hill that twinkles in spots. The twinkling proves to be a massive gem, which the pair take. No sooner have they taken it than more dark-skinned men attack. All efforts to flee the area are obstructed by the mysterious black priests and, more troubling still, Fafhrd’s continuing to circle back to the hellish-looking hill. The gem is bending wills.

Magical sentient gems, dark gods, inscrutable priesthoods, and building fear; yes, we are somewhere in Nehwon. Often, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser will acquire some treasure only to find they must discard it for their survival. It is almost a cliché at this point.

Claws from the Night (1951)

Gray Mouser and Fafhrd have returned to Lankhmar. There has been a strange series of jewel thefts by birds. Some women have been scarred by bird claws while their earrings, necklaces, or other jewelry is stolen. Mouser is hiding in the rafters of a wealthy merchant’s manor with his eye on a precious jewel the merchant is offering his lovely young wife. Before he can snatch the jewel with a fishing line, a bird swoops in through an open window and absconds with the gem. On the rooves of the city, Fafhrd has a hawk that he send to kill the thieving bird. No sooner does he have he gem in hand than anther bird snatches it from him! Fafhrd and Mouser race along the rooftops to determine where the bird is going and find it is destined for an abandoned temple. It is here that they will find the mystery of the late bird thefts and, with any luck, a fortune in jewelry.

One wonders if this could have been inspiration for Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds (1963). Has a forgotten goddess returned to wreak vengeance on a city that shuttered her temple or has a crazed sorcerous with an uncanny control over birds initiated a clever crime ring?

The Price of Pain-Ease (1970)

Mouser and Fafhrd have stolen a cottage from a noble and had it carried to their favorite tavern, the Silver Eel. This also happens to be near the site where their beloveds, Vlanna and Ivrian, died. At first, the cottage is a luxury and a joy. Later, Mouser discovers that all the books on the shelves deal with death, most especially how to avoid dying. Soon, the pair are each haunted by their dead lovers, though neither tells the other of these ghostly visions. On the same day, each rides out to meet with one of the inscrutable wizards: Fafhrd sees Ningauble and Mouser consults Sheelba. Each wizard demands the mask of death from the Shadowlands in order to release them from their haunting. Thus, each rides out on a collision course with the other. On the way, each encounters their ghostly lover before arriving simultaneously at the castle of Death. However, the noble from whom they stole the cottage is also present and he means to end Death!

Nehwon is a strange world where one can ride into the land of the dead and do battle with Death himself. Strangely, this is not the same Death who appeared in The Bleak Shore. There are multiple Deaths it seems. Of note, the heroes swore themselves to service to the wizards in this adventure.

Bazaar of the Bizarre (1963)

Sheelba and Ningauble have called Mouser and Fafhrd to the Plaza of Dark Delights. Mouser arrived earlier than expected and spotted a new shop. Upon investigating, he finds the most astonishing goods. Impossible and wonderous things. Hanging through the shop in cages are the most beautiful women, all beckoning him to purchase them. Meanwhile, Fafhrd arrives on time and is summoned into an ally by Sheelba and Ningauble. They explain that the new shop is an illusion created by an invading alien race. One provides Fafhrd with a way to see through the illusions and the other offers a scarf to make him invisible. So armed, he enters the place to find worthless junk strewn through the place and cages containing huge spiders dangling from the ceiling. Inexplicably, Mouser doesn’t want to leave.

Strangely, Mouser or Fafhrd is often manipulated into doing things they would not do. Fafhrd was mind-controlled in The Bleak Shore, The Howling Tower, and The Seven Black Priests. Mouser is somewhat more in control, only having been so manipulated in The Bleak Shore and this story.


Many of the stories end with our heroes no richer – expect maybe in wisdom – than when they started. The treasure to be gained proves to be a curse. There is also the fact that many stories only hint at the threats they faced. Half the time, the duo walks away without understanding what they faced. I can see this conversation being inserted into several of these tales:

Fafhrd: “What the hell was that all about?”

Mouser: “I don’t know.” Shrugs.

Monday, September 3, 2018

Deathstalker

Deathstalker (Rick Hill) has just defeated a band of deformed men and rescued a fair maiden when he is called upon by King Tulak.  Tulak was long ago deposed by his court sorcerer, Munkar (Bernard Erhard) and his efforts to retake his throne have failed miserably.  He calls upon Deathstalker to slay Munkar and rescue Princess Codille (Barbi Benton).  Deathstalker defers; King Tulak has been reduced to eating dog meat and living in a tent in the forest and has nothing to give.
 
Meanwhile, Munkar is harassing a witch, demanding that she had over a magical sword.  The sword, when combined with the amulet and the chalice, grant godlike power.  Munkar already has the amulet and the chalice.  The witch refuses and Deathstalker conveniently arrives to slay Munkar's lackeys.  The witch tells Deathstalker where he can find the sword, putting him on the very quest he declinded from King Tulak.
 
On his way to Munkar's castle, Deathstalker recruits Salmaron the rogue, Oghris the fighter, and Kaira (Lana Clarkson) the topless.  Yes, though she has a hooded cloak and a mask, her breasts are uncovered.  Under the cloak is just a G-string; standard fantasy female outfit.  Of course, Deathstalker seduces her immediately.  From Oghris and Kaira, Deathstalker learns that Munkar is holding a tournament to determine who will be his heir.  In truth, he wants potential threats to kill each other, leaving only one for him to kill at the conclusion.
 
The movie is mostly an excuse showing naked women and poorly choreographed fights.  The acting is bland, the setting poorly made, the plot thin, and characters shallow.  How do you get a name like Deathstalker?  It might have been interesting to get that backstory?  What is the origin of the amulet, the chalice, and the sword?
 
Here's the trailer!  Yet another Roger Corman campy classic.
 
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