This fan film takes place in England sometime in the 12th or 13th
century. Technically, that is after the Dark Ages but we'll let that
slide. Sir Thomas, a Templar Knight, has been summoned to hunt a
monster that is troubling the English countryside. He has a band of
hardened warriors, one of whom is a female ranger named Freya. Brother
Joseph, an elderly priests, provides them with a Muslim man who has some
knowledge of the beast they seek. Thomas is less than pleased to be
saddled with a Saracen! The party sets out and Freya soon finds tracks
that lead into the woods. The tracks split, west and north. Three
follow the west and three follow the north.
Yes, it is exactly
like the other Predator films with the Predator picking off the heroes
one by one. Still, the idea of Templars fighting a Predator is pretty
darned cool. And, since the Predator is a sporting type, they are
giving the opportunity to fight and not just get blasted from a
distance.
The production values
are surprisingly good. The acting is likewise much better than you
would expect from a fan film. Quite fun and I hope it spawns a
full-blown movie.
This 1983 Sci-Fi/Fantasy Epic has become a cult favorite.The Beast and his band of slayers travel the galaxy in a Black Fortress
that looks like a mountain.They land on
the planet Krull and commence to conquer.The war is going so badly for the locals that two rival factions agree
to join forces.The alliance will be
sealed with the marriage of Prince Colwyn to Princess Lyssa.Just as the wedding ceremony is completed,
slayers come bursting into the palace.Princess Lyssa is kidnapped and Prince Colwyn is left for dead.
Colwyn proves to be
the sole survivor and, since his father is among the dead, now king.He awakens to find an old man patching his
wound.It is Ynyr the Old One. Though it is not explained, Ynyr seems to be a
legendary figure who has lived on a mountain for a very long time.He proves to be very knowledgeable of exactly
what Colwyn must do in order to defeat the Beast.Along the way, they recover the glaive – a weapon
Colwyn thought was a myth, recruit Ergo the Magnificent (a wizard who is mostly
comic relief), enlist a band of escaped criminals (Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane
among them), adopt a young boy who wants a dog, and encounter a cyclops who knows the day of
his death.It is ever so epic!Our small band overcomes various obstacles
and finally assaults the Black Fortress.It is a fun action-adventure film and great popcorn fun.However, when one ponders the setting afterwards,
some issues arise.
One: Ergo is an obviously incompetent wizard
but does demonstrate the power of magic on Krull.He arrives on the scene as a fireball,
clearly a form of magical transportation that he has not mastered but would be
really useful.Transformation into an
animal seems to be relatively easy as he does it several times.Where are all the competent wizards?Why did we get stuck with Ergo the Bumbler?
Two: Fire mares can travel a thousand leagues
in a day and race through the air.Why
isn’t this the standard cavalry horse?I
can’t imagine heroic knights who wouldn’t immediately track down some fire mares to
allow them to crisscross the world almost as quickly as a wizard can teleport.
Three: Colwyn takes fire from Lyssa’s hand and
then has an apparently endless supply of flame throwing.If the standard wedding ceremony on Krull
involves the groom dousing fire in a pool of water and the bride snatching it
back from the water, shouldn’t there be a huge number of married couples who
could hurl walls of flame?
Four: When Colwyn finally uses the glaive, it
sweeps away several slayers at a time with no trouble whatsoever. Why did he have to wait to use it?A lot of his men would have survived if he
had been using it all along.
The movie ends with a
restatement of a prophecy that claims a King and a Queen would defeat the Beast
and their son would rule the galaxy.Really?This world is medieval.There are no cars, planes, trains, industry,
or any inkling that this is a planet on the brink of space travel.But the son of Colwyn and Lyssa is going to rule
the galaxy?I would have liked to see
how that part of the prophecy came to pass.
This
web series opens in the world of Korath with a rogue escaping from a
prison that is populated by incompetent guards. Next, we meet a rather
tall dwarf with a Gandalf pipe and a huge warhammer. He hears someone
off the forest trail and demands that he show himself. Suddenly, the
escaped rogue has a blade held to the dwarf's beard and insists on
gold. The dwarf gives up some gold but, when the rogue moves to take
it, the dwarf makes his move. A battle commences. Though the dwarf gets the
better of the rogue, he doesn't finish him. "I could use a man like
you." He offers more gold for the rogue to help him track down a band of brigands who
slaughtered his people, including his family. The rogue accepts. The
duo next meet a sorceress who has been attacked by the very band the
dwarf seeks. She joins them on their quest. Though the heroes succeed in
finding the remaining members of the brigands and reclaiming the stolen
items, it is clear that some villain was behind them and that villain
has grand plans.
It
is a low budget show with mediocre acting. I found the dwarf rather
plaintive, his voice reminding me a lot of Daniel Day-Lewis in Last of
the Mohicans. Yeah, that is an unusual accent for a dwarf. However, he
is clearly the central character, at least to this point. The fight
choreography is no better than the acting. The fights last much too
long and consist mostly of telegraphed blows and easy parries. Even so,
I enjoyed it and look forward to any further episodes that may come.
Mythica opens with a temple in a rocky desert being sacked by orcs who are led by a Necromancer (not in the usual sense, since he drains life force rather than creating the undead). Two sisters – Teela & Caeryn – flee with a sacred stone. Before they can escape, Caeryn is abducted by an ogre.
Marek (Melanie Stone) is a slave with dreams of wizardry. She visits the wizard Gojun Pye (played by Kevin Sorbo of Hercules fame) who encourages her to take up a life of adventure. Because she has a bad leg, she is slow getting back to her master’s house. Worse, she is attacked by ruffians who see that she is a slave out after curfew. A drunken fighter subdues the ruffians and Marek rushes away but things get worse. Her master’s money is stolen by a charming rogue and she is caught soon thereafter. Brought back to her master as a prisoner, he must pay to take custody of her. No sooner has he paid than he begins to whip her and tell how he is going to sell her to a brothel. The stresses of the day bring forth her latent necromantic powers and she hurls her master back with the force of her magic, magic that is obviously like that of the necromancer leading the orcs. She must flee lest the townsfolk slay her.
Now an adventurer, Marek finds her way to an adventurers' tavern. There she meets Teela (Nicola Posener), who is seeking heroes to help her rescue her sister. Teela has no money to hire a skilled team and declines Marek’s offer since she is obviously a novice. Marek claims to have a team. She recruits the fighter who saved her from the ruffians, a fellow named Thane (Adam Johnson). Then they forcibly recruit Dagen (Jake Stormoen), the charming thief who stole Marek’s master’s money. They meet Teela the following morning.
The party is formed: Marek the Magician, Teela the Cleric, Thane the Fighter, and Dagen the Rogue. Oh, Dagen is an elf though he doesn’t look like any elf I’ve seen before. Our happy little band sets out on their first adventure. As the central character, it isn’t much of a surprise that Marek is usually the one rescuing her allies or finishing off the various foes.
This is the first of a trilogy of films and clearly echoes PC games with a role-playing bent. I was often reminded of Diablo but there were some very D&Dish moments too. As this is part of a trilogy, Marek has a lot of room for her character to develop. She is a slave, a cripple, a necromancer, a magician, and who knows what else.
The big failing is that the women dress rationally. There are no chain mail bikinis or midriff revealing gowns. Teela’s a looker but her priestly garb is quite modest. Granted, the adventure takes place in a landscape surprisingly similar to Utah where there was frequently snow on the ground.
Thane is the unintentional comic relief since he gets beaten unconscious in almost every fight. The best was when the two women were helping him limp away from a band of orcs and he took an arrow in the back. Every monster had his number. By the end of the movie, it was just hilarious.
Good fun and worth watching.
This is the Arrowstorm epic. The trilogy has since expanded to 5 movies, the fifth of which is currently in post-production.
This rather goofy, sappy fantasy movie somehow mixes a medieval fantasy world
with Christmas. Also, it sets a band of escaped orphans on a quest to
save Christmas before it is too late. The tale opens with young Ayden's
parents being arrested for refusing to pay confiscatory taxes. Moments
later, a dragon attacks. The tax collectors flee but Ayden is wounded
and her parents are burned to death in the jail cart. Flash forward several
years. Ayden lives in an orphanage that sells older children into
slavery to none other than the tax collectors seen earlier. Ayden, who
is an ardent believer in Christmas miracles, runs away with several
other orphans and the quest begins. An elf gives Ayden a gem that will
allow her to find the magic that will restore Christmas. Inevitably
along the way, the children run into troublesome adults - including the
tax collectors - but always manage to outwit and escape them. At one
point, they save a young dragon from dragon slayers by pretending to be
goblins who haunt the woods. The dragon proves grateful and bonds with
Ayden. By the end, Father Christmas uses this very dragon to pull his
sleigh to deliver presents to the deserving children of Middle Earth.
Very silly and campy, clearly aimed at youngsters. It is Lord of the Rings meets Goonies.
This is an Arrowstorm movie and features many of their regular actors. Jake Stormoen, Melanie Stone, Adam Johnson, Paul D. Hunt, and Eve Mauro have roles as adults in this movie about the kids. Each of them show up in the Arrowstorm epic, Mythica.
This
1983 movie opens with Bradamante (Barbara De Rossi) consulting a witch.The witch tells Bradamante that she will love
a Saracen named Ruggiero but that he will be slain by Orlando, the greatest of
Charlemagne’s Paladins.Distraught, she
flees from the witch’s cave and rides away.She is ambushed by four men who attempt to rape her but she is saved
when a knight arrives and seriously wounds each of the ruffians.The nameless knight tells her that she may
have his armor so that she is never put in such a situation again.To her astonishment, the armor is empty!
Elsewhere,
Orlando is riding through the lands and comes across a settlement. The people
are not sure whether to flee or greet him; knights of either side are usually
bad news.Orlando does them a favor and
proves to be a friendly fellow.After
that, he joined a number of other Carolingian knights who had been sparring.
Isabella (Tanya Roberts),
a Saracen princess, is riding through the very same canyon where earlier
Bradamante was attacked.She and her
guards are attacked by the same 4 goons who attacked Bradamante.Having dispatched the guards, they set about
to rape Isabella when that same knight arrives, only this time it is
Bradamante.She kills the rapists and
declares Isabella her captive.She
intends to take the princess to Charlemagne.Instead, she encounters Orlando and his band of knights.The knights don’t recognize this new knight
and one attacks.Bradamante defeats
him.He is greatly chagrined when he
learns that the knight was a woman!
Ruggiero
arrives shortly thereafter to rescue Isabella, who is his sister.He is saved from death by Bradamante, whom he
has never met.It gets stranger when she
tries to arrange his escape that night.Ruggiero is baffled by the actions of this strange woman, though he is
also taken by her beauty.Elsewhere in
the camp that night, Orlando makes out with Isabella.Before morning, both Ruggiero and Isabella
have escaped the Franks.Orlando and
Bradamante each set out to find their heart’s desire.
The
story is often incoherent and the acting is mostly wooden.The suits of armor are, like in Excalibur,
completely out of place for the time period.Moreover, they all have ludicrous headpieces so each is immediately
discernible; useful for the viewing public but deadly for an actual knight in
armor.Both Bradamante and Isabella provide ‘fan service’ in the film,
achieving varying levels of nudity.
Ruggiero
has a second protector, a sorcerer named Atlante.This peculiar little fellow is determined to
save Ruggiero and keep him away from Bradamante for a good portion of the
film.Though he seems to have impressive
powers and claims to be 1400 years old, he proves mostly useless.He could be classified as comic relief.
The
movie culminates with a battle between four heroes from each faction.Orlando, Bradamante, Gano, and Aquilante for
the Franks vs. Ruggiero, Ferrau, Samurai, and African Warrior.Samurai were common in Saracen armies,
right?Same goes for the pole-vaulting
African warriors.Ferrau had this
bird-theme going with his armor and even acted bird-like.Whatever.
This
is an Italian movie that was clearly inspired by Excalibur.Sadly, it lacks the epic qualities, the musical
score, the story coherence, and even the acting of that far superior film.The Italian movie couldn’t even do the chrome
armor right; Orlando’s armor doesn’t shine.All in all, it is mediocre but it does have its moments.Available on YouTube:
