Hearts and Armour

This 1983 movie opens with Bradamante (Barbara De Rossi) consulting a witch.  The witch tells Bradamante that she will love a Saracen named Ruggiero but that he will be slain by Orlando, the greatest of Charlemagne’s Paladins.  Distraught, she flees from the witch’s cave and rides away.  She is ambushed by four men who attempt to rape her but she is saved when a knight arrives and seriously wounds each of the ruffians.  The nameless knight tells her that she may have his armor so that she is never put in such a situation again.  To her astonishment, the armor is empty!

 

Elsewhere, Orlando is riding through the lands and comes across a settlement. The people are not sure whether to flee or greet him; knights of either side are usually bad news.  Orlando does them a favor and proves to be a friendly fellow.  After that, he joined a number of other Carolingian knights who had been sparring.

 

Isabella (Tanya Roberts), a Saracen princess, is riding through the very same canyon where earlier Bradamante was attacked.  She and her guards are attacked by the same 4 goons who attacked Bradamante.  Having dispatched the guards, they set about to rape Isabella when that same knight arrives, only this time it is Bradamante.  She kills the rapists and declares Isabella her captive.  She intends to take the princess to Charlemagne.  Instead, she encounters Orlando and his band of knights.  The knights don’t recognize this new knight and one attacks.  Bradamante defeats him.  He is greatly chagrined when he learns that the knight was a woman!

 

Ruggiero arrives shortly thereafter to rescue Isabella, who is his sister.  He is saved from death by Bradamante, whom he has never met.  It gets stranger when she tries to arrange his escape that night.  Ruggiero is baffled by the actions of this strange woman, though he is also taken by her beauty.  Elsewhere in the camp that night, Orlando makes out with Isabella.  Before morning, both Ruggiero and Isabella have escaped the Franks.  Orlando and Bradamante each set out to find their heart’s desire.

 

The story is often incoherent and the acting is mostly wooden.  The suits of armor are, like in Excalibur, completely out of place for the time period.  Moreover, they all have ludicrous headpieces so each is immediately discernible; useful for the viewing public but deadly for an actual knight in armor.  Both Bradamante and Isabella provide ‘fan service’ in the film, achieving varying levels of nudity.

 

Ruggiero has a second protector, a sorcerer named Atlante.  This peculiar little fellow is determined to save Ruggiero and keep him away from Bradamante for a good portion of the film.  Though he seems to have impressive powers and claims to be 1400 years old, he proves mostly useless.  He could be classified as comic relief.

 

The movie culminates with a battle between four heroes from each faction.  Orlando, Bradamante, Gano, and Aquilante for the Franks vs. Ruggiero, Ferrau, Samurai, and African Warrior.  Samurai were common in Saracen armies, right?  Same goes for the pole-vaulting African warrior.  Ferrau had this bird-theme going with his armor and even acted bird-like.  Whatever.

 

This is an Italian movie that was clearly inspired by Excalibur.  Sadly, it lacks the epic qualities, the musical score, the story coherence, and even the acting of that far superior film.  The Italian movie couldn’t even do the chrome armor right; Orlando’s armor doesn’t shine.  All in all, it is mediocre but it does have its moments.  Available on YouTube: