Ludicrous! Inconceivable! This dramatically expands the former limits
of "over-the-top." And yet, it was hugely entertaining. The Three Musketeers
opens with a heist in Venice. Athos (Matthew Macfadyen) arrives at the
location underwater, wearing some sort of scuba suit. While still
submerged, he dispatches a guard by throwing a knife! As he emerges, he
draws a pair of multiple shot crossbows (without the bow) and mows down
more guards. Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich) is waiting for him with
one of the three keys they need. Meanwhile, Aramis (Luke Evans) leaps
from a bridge to land on gondola, dispatching several guards before
acquiring the second key. Porthos (Ray Stevenson) is chained in a
dungeon when he is confronted by Cagliostro (Til Schweiger), the man
holding the third key. Through a burst of Herculean strength, Porthos
breaks his bonds, subdues all the guards, and takes the key from
Cagliostro. The quartet convenes at DaVinci's Vault and enters thanks
to the three keys. A ridiculous trap similar to the hall of darts in
Raiders of the Lost Ark confronts them but Milady de Winter dashes and
dodges her way through. The heroes have found the plans for DaVinci's
war machine but are now cornered by a small army near the entrance.
What to do? Time for some explosives. Yes, they blast a hole in the
roof of the vault and the Grand Canal comes crashing down to sweep away
Cagliostro's troops and our heroes emerge from the whirlpool into the
canal. Huzzah!
That is only a teaser of what is to come. There is an air battle between two airships - standard galleon's that just happen to have a big blimp-like airbag to hold them aloft - where they fire broadsides at one another. One is armed with what might best be called a Gatlin cannon. Oh, and there's a flamethrower! Clearly, we are in an alternate reality of the 17th Century. On the comic side, the French king has a constant duel of fashion with the more fashionable Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). It is also quite funny when the king `punishes' the musketeers - who had just trounced Cardinal Richelieu's (Christoph Waltz) guards - by buying them a new wardrobe.
The movie ends with a promise of a sequel. The Duke of Buckingham is sailing to France with a huge fleet. As the camera pans back, we see he has an equally large fleet of airships!
Yes, it is completely silly and campy but it embraces that in such a way that even I, a history stickler, am willing to forgive the anachronisms.
That is only a teaser of what is to come. There is an air battle between two airships - standard galleon's that just happen to have a big blimp-like airbag to hold them aloft - where they fire broadsides at one another. One is armed with what might best be called a Gatlin cannon. Oh, and there's a flamethrower! Clearly, we are in an alternate reality of the 17th Century. On the comic side, the French king has a constant duel of fashion with the more fashionable Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). It is also quite funny when the king `punishes' the musketeers - who had just trounced Cardinal Richelieu's (Christoph Waltz) guards - by buying them a new wardrobe.
The movie ends with a promise of a sequel. The Duke of Buckingham is sailing to France with a huge fleet. As the camera pans back, we see he has an equally large fleet of airships!
Yes, it is completely silly and campy but it embraces that in such a way that even I, a history stickler, am willing to forgive the anachronisms.
Sadly, the sequel never came. The movie bombed at the box office, barely bringing in a quarter of its production costs. Though I didn't mention it in this review, Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson) played D'Artagnan while Mads Mikkelsen was his doomed sparring opponent, Rochefort. Director Paul W. S. Anderson is probably best known for the Resident Evil movies (which surely explains the casting of Milla Jovovich). I found this fun because it was SO extreme though many might have found that off-putting.
The ultimate Three Musketeers is the 1973 version with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Charlton Heston, Faye Dunaway, and Raquel Welch. Though played for comedy, it stays true to the story and confines itself to the technology of the period.
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