Saturday, October 22, 2016

The Blade Master

The movie opens with some cavemen eating some unidentified meat in their cave when they are suddenly attacked by Stone Age villains. There is much mayhem and the Stone Agers slaughter everyone. Next, we are in another cave which is oddly adorned with columns, furniture, a podium with a book, and appears to be a study or lab. Sure enough, this is the lab of Akronas, the great sage. He tells his daughter, Mila, that he has created the Geometric Nucleus (GN), a device that can do great good or tremendous evil depending on who wields it. As if on cue, the villain Zor, a former student of Akronas, assaults the castle with the intent of capturing the GN. Akronas tells his daughter that she must seek Ator - also a former student - in the east and bring him to defeat Zor.

Interestingly, there is a brief description of the previous film in the series and it includes scenes that were not in that movie. One of those scenes is Ator being saved from death in his village by the intervention of Gliba. That was one of my gripes with that film. Why did that scene get cut then but included now? Anyway, we learn that after the events of that movie, his wife/sister died, he studied science with Akronas, and then went east.

Mila flees the caves and, en route to the east, encounters a band of Zor's goons. She fights well but one of them puts an arrow in her. Shortly thereafter, she runs into Ator's cave (everybody lives in caves in this setting, which is why it is sometimes titled `Cave Dwellers'); I guess he didn't live that far to the east.

Ator (Miles O'Keeffe) is now a great scholar though he still only wears a loincloth and furry boots. He is busy doing chemistry experiments with Thong, his mute Asian sidekick, when Mila arrives and collapses from her wound. He washes his hands (you know, that was common for surgeons in the caveman era) and extracts the arrow. When she awakens - later that day it seems - she hardly has a scar. Now that she is up, Ator demands proof that she is who she says she is. While he leads her through his caves, we see full suits of plate mail standing in alcoves; what time period is this? He locks her in a cave - it has a gate that slides into place like a modern prison - then demands she get out. She looks around and sees the ingredients for gunpowder. So, in about a minute, she mixes it up, makes a nice trail of black powder from the gate to a safe spot, and ignites it. The explosion blows the bars away and leaves Ator and Thong covered in dust. What is the time period again?

The trio set off and is followed by several of Zor's goons. Zor also employs a wizard who sends a mist - this is the Mist Age of Fantasy - that separates the party and leads them to the caves of the villains that opened the movie. Oh, and invisible guys who beat the crap out of Ator and Thong for a while before being overcome when our heroes toss their cloaks on top of the invisible men. Amazingly, the invisible men choose to continue the battle while having cloaks over their heads.

Meanwhile, Mila has been captured by the Stone Agers, along with Zor's goons. The Stone Agers sacrifice each of Zor's goons on an altar, cutting out their hearts which their leader eats. Now it is Mila's turn but Ator and Thong arrive just in time. The trio escapes the caves and is once again back on track to Akronas. Zor is upset with his wizard and demands that he is whipped. The wizard, only just described as the most powerful to be found, is sadly dragged away. Some wizard.

The party is asleep and Thong is on guard when he hears something. So, leaving Ator and Mila to sleep, he runs off to investigate. Argh!!!!! Luckily, Ator's DM is really generous because no one comes and kills him while he sleeps. Thong comes back with a couple of girls who tell of a village in great trouble. Ator decides they must assist. Really? Zor is trying to get the GN which will allow him to rule the world but you have time for this petty side quest? Whatever.

The side quest is a trap and Ator blunders right into it, happily drinking the wine he is offered which knocks him out. However, the villagers who betrayed him to sell him to Serpent Worshippers immediately get their comeuppance when they are slaughtered and the village is burned.

The Serpent Worshippers are in league with Zor and Zor shows up to inspect Ator and Mila. The High Priest doesn't want to give Zor either Ator or Mila, insisting that they be sacrificed to the Great Serpent. At this point, Zor offers the greatest observation of any villain in D&Dish film history: "The dividing line between goodness and stupidity is very, very fine." Zor is content and leaves, not bothering to stay and see how the sacrifice works out. Like a scene out of Conan, the serpent worshippers toss virgin after virgin into a pit and thrill as each is killed by the Great Serpent (all off screen at this point) then Mila is tossed in. Thong appears and frees Ator. The duo slaughters all the serpent worshippers while Mila screams. Ator leaps into the pit to find a huge foam rubber snake which, after a bit of wrestling, he manages to kill.

The epic conclusion has Ator assaulting the 12th century castle from a hang glider, dropping grenades to blast Zor's troops off the walls. He descends through the castle, slaughtering as he goes. Oh, also of note, he no longer uses the Sword of Torran which was his weapon of the last film. Now he's a two sword guy, which is why he is the blade master. He finds Zor beating Akronas in the cave lab. Ator, who has killed countless goons throughout the movie, holds his blade when Zor is disarmed. Akronas says that he must stand trial. What time period is this again? So, again doing the good-is-stupid move, he turns his back and walks away. Luckily, Thong puts a knife in Zor's back before Zor can put one in Ator's.

Ator declines Mila's advances, saying he must travel his path alone. He takes the GN with him and destroys it, resulting in a mushroom cloud; I wonder how he did that without being in the blast radius. The movie ends with Ator riding alone with a voiceover announcing that wherever man is oppressed, Ator will be there, wherever evil arises, Ator will be there, he is Ator the Avenger (even before Captain America).

If anything, Miles O'Keeffe's acting got worse. Certainly the script got considerably worse. However, the lead actress is better than the last one if only because she speaks English. The villain is pathetic. Zor has a drooping mustache and long black hair that is obviously a wig. He is pale and scrawny compared to Ator. He spends most of the movie in conversation with Akronas, trying to get the old sage to reveal where he has hidden the GN or explaining how he will destroy Ator. Still, it is often entertaining in a so bad it's good sort of way.
 

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