Avalon opens with several beautiful women coming before Morgana Le
Fey and reporting the events in the lands. It seems that Morgana is on
the verge of conquering the world.
Elsewhere, druids prepare to sacrifice Clotilde the Virgin and chop off the hands of Kieran the would-be thief. Owen, a wandering knight, comes upon the scene, dismounts, ties his horse to a tree, and we never see that horse again. Sneaking into the druid's grove, he frees Kieran, who suggests they leave Clotilde to her fate. Owen instead insists that he will fight the druids while Kieran saves (reluctantly) the virgin sacrifice. Despite overwhelming odds and bad fight choreography, the trio escape into the forest and soon come to a beach. Now free of pursuit, the three get to know one another.
Owen is out to win glory by achieving great deeds. He wants to go to the isle of Avalon where Morgana rules and test his mettle there. Clotilde is searching for her lost love, Edwin, a glory-seeker like Owen, who went to Avalon and never returned. Kieran wants gold.
No sooner have they laid bare their souls than an old man - worst makeup ever (it's like a paper Mache mask) - accosts them. It is Merlin! He offers to help them get to Avalon. He casts a spell and suddenly he is a young version of himself. "Come, let us swim to Avalon." Though they see no land in the endless sea before them, Merlin assures them it is only an illusion and the swim is not that far.
Acting like Gandalf in the Hobbit, Merlin departs immediately after depositing the three on the island shore. "I must see the Lady of the Lake. I'll be back," he assures them. The heroes suffer a series of adventures - golden apples, a sucking swamp, a friendly monster with oozing green skin, and a horde of zombies who carry off Clotilde - before they come across Morgana's lair. The beautiful women of the opening sequence convince Owen and Kieran to join the gladiatorial competition of the next day.
Meanwhile, Merlin gets it on with the Lady of the Lake so that she will give him Excalibur. Further, she demands that after he defeats Morgana, he must return to her forever. He accepts and returns to Avalon where he demonstrates the awesomeness of Excalibur. He need merely point it at an opponent to disintegrate them (special effects courtesy of Star Trek phaser, circa 1966). Rather than give Morgana the same treatment, Merlin accepts a room for the night where he is almost immediately seduced by an illusion of Morgana. Sigh.
The epic conclusion has Owen prying open the tomb of King Arthur and placing Excalibur in his hands. This causes the island to detonate and destroys Morgana's power. Luckily, Owen was blown clear and was able to swim back to the mainland where he is reunited with Kieran. Merlin, once again old, returns to the Lady of the Lake. Clotilde embraces the rescued Edwin.
The filming is low quality and has some odd choices. For some reason, the cinematographer really liked filming from the ground, so we are often staring up the actors' nostrils. The fights, though plentiful, are pretty bad. Kieran is mostly useless so Owen somehow fights everything and Clotilde screams. It was pretty funny that Owen and Clotilde kept seeming like they were about to get it on when something would interrupt them; you naturally expect them to get together by the end but, nope, Edwin is discovered and rescued. It seems Owen was saved from his peril.
The most peculiar fight was when our heroes meet two of Morgana's eunuchs in battle. Each eunuch polymorphs into his opponent, so that Kieran is faced by another Kieran and Owen another Owen. Okay, that's pretty standard magic and a common plot device. But when they switch who they fight, I was incredulous. If Kieran fights Owen, he might be fighting the REAL Owen. I was waiting to see the fakes laugh uproariously as Kieran and Owen beat on each other but the director didn't seem to realize that could happen. On those few occasions when they fought their doppelganger, the special effects were horrendous, unbelievably bad for 1989. Doubtless, that is why they chose to fight the other person's double.
The movie has its moments. That Kieran is constantly thwarted in his quest for wealth is amusing. The golden apples become ordinary. The druid's treasure must be abandoned if he is to escape their wrath. Owen tosses away the gold wreath that Kieran had pillaged from one of the zombies. In the end, he is no wealthier than when he started. Also, most of the women get half-naked. Morgana prances around in a golden bikini.
Though available on YouTube, I don't recommend seeing it.
Elsewhere, druids prepare to sacrifice Clotilde the Virgin and chop off the hands of Kieran the would-be thief. Owen, a wandering knight, comes upon the scene, dismounts, ties his horse to a tree, and we never see that horse again. Sneaking into the druid's grove, he frees Kieran, who suggests they leave Clotilde to her fate. Owen instead insists that he will fight the druids while Kieran saves (reluctantly) the virgin sacrifice. Despite overwhelming odds and bad fight choreography, the trio escape into the forest and soon come to a beach. Now free of pursuit, the three get to know one another.
Owen is out to win glory by achieving great deeds. He wants to go to the isle of Avalon where Morgana rules and test his mettle there. Clotilde is searching for her lost love, Edwin, a glory-seeker like Owen, who went to Avalon and never returned. Kieran wants gold.
No sooner have they laid bare their souls than an old man - worst makeup ever (it's like a paper Mache mask) - accosts them. It is Merlin! He offers to help them get to Avalon. He casts a spell and suddenly he is a young version of himself. "Come, let us swim to Avalon." Though they see no land in the endless sea before them, Merlin assures them it is only an illusion and the swim is not that far.
Acting like Gandalf in the Hobbit, Merlin departs immediately after depositing the three on the island shore. "I must see the Lady of the Lake. I'll be back," he assures them. The heroes suffer a series of adventures - golden apples, a sucking swamp, a friendly monster with oozing green skin, and a horde of zombies who carry off Clotilde - before they come across Morgana's lair. The beautiful women of the opening sequence convince Owen and Kieran to join the gladiatorial competition of the next day.
Meanwhile, Merlin gets it on with the Lady of the Lake so that she will give him Excalibur. Further, she demands that after he defeats Morgana, he must return to her forever. He accepts and returns to Avalon where he demonstrates the awesomeness of Excalibur. He need merely point it at an opponent to disintegrate them (special effects courtesy of Star Trek phaser, circa 1966). Rather than give Morgana the same treatment, Merlin accepts a room for the night where he is almost immediately seduced by an illusion of Morgana. Sigh.
The epic conclusion has Owen prying open the tomb of King Arthur and placing Excalibur in his hands. This causes the island to detonate and destroys Morgana's power. Luckily, Owen was blown clear and was able to swim back to the mainland where he is reunited with Kieran. Merlin, once again old, returns to the Lady of the Lake. Clotilde embraces the rescued Edwin.
The filming is low quality and has some odd choices. For some reason, the cinematographer really liked filming from the ground, so we are often staring up the actors' nostrils. The fights, though plentiful, are pretty bad. Kieran is mostly useless so Owen somehow fights everything and Clotilde screams. It was pretty funny that Owen and Clotilde kept seeming like they were about to get it on when something would interrupt them; you naturally expect them to get together by the end but, nope, Edwin is discovered and rescued. It seems Owen was saved from his peril.
The most peculiar fight was when our heroes meet two of Morgana's eunuchs in battle. Each eunuch polymorphs into his opponent, so that Kieran is faced by another Kieran and Owen another Owen. Okay, that's pretty standard magic and a common plot device. But when they switch who they fight, I was incredulous. If Kieran fights Owen, he might be fighting the REAL Owen. I was waiting to see the fakes laugh uproariously as Kieran and Owen beat on each other but the director didn't seem to realize that could happen. On those few occasions when they fought their doppelganger, the special effects were horrendous, unbelievably bad for 1989. Doubtless, that is why they chose to fight the other person's double.
The movie has its moments. That Kieran is constantly thwarted in his quest for wealth is amusing. The golden apples become ordinary. The druid's treasure must be abandoned if he is to escape their wrath. Owen tosses away the gold wreath that Kieran had pillaged from one of the zombies. In the end, he is no wealthier than when he started. Also, most of the women get half-naked. Morgana prances around in a golden bikini.
Though available on YouTube, I don't recommend seeing it.
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