One of the two Snow White movies to come out this year, it was made by
the same man who brought us Immortals last year. Our story opens with
the Queen (Julie Roberts) narrating the events so far, with her husband the king having
vanished in the forest and her step-daughter, young Snow (Lily Collins), being her
cloistered ward. Enter Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer).
Alcott and his trusty servant are out for adventure when they are attacked by giants, conspicuously 7 of them. They were getting trounced when the prince managed to topple one of them. The giant's legs retract and suddenly we have an annoyed dwarf. The prince foolishly insults the dwarves and soon finds himself hanging by his ankles with only his pants. Meanwhile, it is Snow's 18th birthday and a busybody baker (Mare Winningham) has put ideas in her head that she is the rightful ruler and should see the state of the realm under the wicked queen's watch. Snow leaves the castle, wanders the realm, and stumbles upon the nearly naked prince.
The story deviates from the classic tale with Snow mostly saving the prince rather than the other way around. Rather than the huntsman taking Snow to the woods to cut out her heart, we have Brighton (Nathan Lane) the cowardly brown-noser who lets her flee into the woods and brave the beast that haunts it. She meets the dwarves who take a liking to her and, in the classic movie training, make her an awesome and confident warrior princess in no time at all. Truly, no time. The prince indicates that only one day has passed during her extensive martial training. To their credit, the prince was still a better swordsman but she defeated him nonetheless. The poisoned apple makes only a cameo and it is Snow who saves the prince with true love's kiss.
The prince does not come off well. One wonders what Snow sees in him. Oh, he banters well enough but he got his butt kicked by dwarves (twice!), was ensorcelled by the queen, gets beaten by the hardly-trained Snow in a sword fight, and must be rescued repeatedly. I am amazed any self-respecting actor took the role. Then again, it is a comedy and no men come off well in this movie.
Setting aside the silly stilts that transform them into giants, the dwarves are an entertaining bunch. They are not named Happy, Dopy, Doc, etc. but they do have characteristics that would fit the original descriptive names. Rather than miners, they are bandits, taking revenge on the Queen who banished them from the kingdom for being ugly. Thus, it seems they are not a race of dwarves but just humans, which doubtless explains the lack of beards.
Julia Roberts as the queen was not the best choice. She is conniving and mean but not menacing. She has several comic scenes, which really detract from the evil queen persona. Plus, her trademark laugh just doesn't fit with the role. Then again, this is mostly a comedy. In a switch from the original, the queen puts the moves on Prince Alcott with notions of marrying him for his money; she had driven this kingdom to bankruptcy and needs the cash. Roberts also plays the mirror, which is an emotionless version of the queen with unspecified but considerable magical powers. The relationship between queen and mirror is never explained though they are inextricably linked.
Much like Immortals, the look is very distinctive. The outfits of the nobility are ludicrous and full of such crazy colors. The rainbow of vibrant colors that was not limited to clothing was bizarre and mostly annoying; there were blue and purple wigs in geometric shapes and starkly clashing garments. The soldiers in the realm wore all black except for a golden helmet that looked like something out of Zardoz. The costumes were too often silly and impractical, which certainly reminded me of Immortals with those crazy helmets on the gods. In the end, the king (played by Sean `Boromir' Bean) returns and, in addition to being dressed in a silly outfit, he has a Don Johnson beard; he looked rather scraggly for a king; I hope Sean got a good payday out of it.
The movie credits play during a Bollywood singing and dancing extravaganza in the throne room where Snow sings `I believe in love.' Lily Collins is Phil Collins' daughter, so the closing music video is probably appropriate.
All in all, it is just okay. Wait for it on broadcast TV.
Alcott and his trusty servant are out for adventure when they are attacked by giants, conspicuously 7 of them. They were getting trounced when the prince managed to topple one of them. The giant's legs retract and suddenly we have an annoyed dwarf. The prince foolishly insults the dwarves and soon finds himself hanging by his ankles with only his pants. Meanwhile, it is Snow's 18th birthday and a busybody baker (Mare Winningham) has put ideas in her head that she is the rightful ruler and should see the state of the realm under the wicked queen's watch. Snow leaves the castle, wanders the realm, and stumbles upon the nearly naked prince.
The story deviates from the classic tale with Snow mostly saving the prince rather than the other way around. Rather than the huntsman taking Snow to the woods to cut out her heart, we have Brighton (Nathan Lane) the cowardly brown-noser who lets her flee into the woods and brave the beast that haunts it. She meets the dwarves who take a liking to her and, in the classic movie training, make her an awesome and confident warrior princess in no time at all. Truly, no time. The prince indicates that only one day has passed during her extensive martial training. To their credit, the prince was still a better swordsman but she defeated him nonetheless. The poisoned apple makes only a cameo and it is Snow who saves the prince with true love's kiss.
The prince does not come off well. One wonders what Snow sees in him. Oh, he banters well enough but he got his butt kicked by dwarves (twice!), was ensorcelled by the queen, gets beaten by the hardly-trained Snow in a sword fight, and must be rescued repeatedly. I am amazed any self-respecting actor took the role. Then again, it is a comedy and no men come off well in this movie.
Setting aside the silly stilts that transform them into giants, the dwarves are an entertaining bunch. They are not named Happy, Dopy, Doc, etc. but they do have characteristics that would fit the original descriptive names. Rather than miners, they are bandits, taking revenge on the Queen who banished them from the kingdom for being ugly. Thus, it seems they are not a race of dwarves but just humans, which doubtless explains the lack of beards.
Julia Roberts as the queen was not the best choice. She is conniving and mean but not menacing. She has several comic scenes, which really detract from the evil queen persona. Plus, her trademark laugh just doesn't fit with the role. Then again, this is mostly a comedy. In a switch from the original, the queen puts the moves on Prince Alcott with notions of marrying him for his money; she had driven this kingdom to bankruptcy and needs the cash. Roberts also plays the mirror, which is an emotionless version of the queen with unspecified but considerable magical powers. The relationship between queen and mirror is never explained though they are inextricably linked.
Much like Immortals, the look is very distinctive. The outfits of the nobility are ludicrous and full of such crazy colors. The rainbow of vibrant colors that was not limited to clothing was bizarre and mostly annoying; there were blue and purple wigs in geometric shapes and starkly clashing garments. The soldiers in the realm wore all black except for a golden helmet that looked like something out of Zardoz. The costumes were too often silly and impractical, which certainly reminded me of Immortals with those crazy helmets on the gods. In the end, the king (played by Sean `Boromir' Bean) returns and, in addition to being dressed in a silly outfit, he has a Don Johnson beard; he looked rather scraggly for a king; I hope Sean got a good payday out of it.
The movie credits play during a Bollywood singing and dancing extravaganza in the throne room where Snow sings `I believe in love.' Lily Collins is Phil Collins' daughter, so the closing music video is probably appropriate.
All in all, it is just okay. Wait for it on broadcast TV.
No comments:
Post a Comment