The Blade Master

The movie opens with some cavemen eating some unidentified meat in their cave when they are suddenly attacked by Stone Age villains. There is much mayhem and the Stone Agers slaughter everyone. Next, we are in another cave which is oddly adorned with columns, furniture, a podium with a book, and appears to be a study or lab. Sure enough, this is the lab of Akronas, the great sage. He tells his daughter, Mila, that he has created the Geometric Nucleus (GN), a device that can do great good or tremendous evil depending on who wields it. As if on cue, the villain Zor, a former student of Akronas, assaults the castle with the intent of capturing the GN. Akronas tells his daughter that she must seek Ator - also a former student - in the east and bring him to defeat Zor.

Interestingly, there is a brief description of the previous film in the series and it includes scenes that were not in that movie. One of those scenes is Ator being saved from death in his village by the intervention of Gliba. That was one of my gripes with that film. Why did that scene get cut then but included now? Anyway, we learn that after the events of that movie, his wife/sister died, he studied science with Akronas, and then went east.

Mila flees the caves and, en route to the east, encounters a band of Zor's goons. She fights well but one of them puts an arrow in her. Shortly thereafter, she runs into Ator's cave (everybody lives in caves in this setting, which is why it is sometimes titled `Cave Dwellers'); I guess he didn't live that far to the east.

Ator (Miles O'Keeffe) is now a great scholar though he still only wears a loincloth and furry boots. He is busy doing chemistry experiments with Thong, his mute Asian sidekick, when Mila arrives and collapses from her wound. He washes his hands (you know, that was common for surgeons in the caveman era) and extracts the arrow. When she awakens - later that day it seems - she hardly has a scar. Now that she is up, Ator demands proof that she is who she says she is. While he leads her through his caves, we see full suits of plate mail standing in alcoves; what time period is this? He locks her in a cave - it has a gate that slides into place like a modern prison - then demands she get out. She looks around and sees the ingredients for gunpowder. So, in about a minute, she mixes it up, makes a nice trail of black powder from the gate to a safe spot, and ignites it. The explosion blows the bars away and leaves Ator and Thong covered in dust. What is the time period again?

The trio set off and is followed by several of Zor's goons. Zor also employs a wizard who sends a mist - this is the Mist Age of Fantasy - that separates the party and leads them to the caves of the villains that opened the movie. Oh, and invisible guys who beat the crap out of Ator and Thong for a while before being overcome when our heroes toss their cloaks on top of the invisible men. Amazingly, the invisible men choose to continue the battle while having cloaks over their heads.

Meanwhile, Mila has been captured by the Stone Agers, along with Zor's goons. The Stone Agers sacrifice each of Zor's goons on an altar, cutting out their hearts which their leader eats. Now it is Mila's turn but Ator and Thong arrive just in time. The trio escapes the caves and is once again back on track to Akronas. Zor is upset with his wizard and demands that he is whipped. The wizard, only just described as the most powerful to be found, is sadly dragged away. Some wizard.

The party is asleep and Thong is on guard when he hears something. So, leaving Ator and Mila to sleep, he runs off to investigate. Argh!!!!! Luckily, Ator's DM is really generous because no one comes and kills him while he sleeps. Thong comes back with a couple of girls who tell of a village in great trouble. Ator decides they must assist. Really? Zor is trying to get the GN which will allow him to rule the world but you have time for this petty side quest? Whatever.

The side quest is a trap and Ator blunders right into it, happily drinking the wine he is offered which knocks him out. However, the villagers who betrayed him to sell him to Serpent Worshippers immediately get their comeuppance when they are slaughtered and the village is burned.

The Serpent Worshippers are in league with Zor and Zor shows up to inspect Ator and Mila. The High Priest doesn't want to give Zor either Ator or Mila, insisting that they be sacrificed to the Great Serpent. At this point, Zor offers the greatest observation of any villain in D&Dish film history: "The dividing line between goodness and stupidity is very, very fine." Zor is content and leaves, not bothering to stay and see how the sacrifice works out. Like a scene out of Conan, the serpent worshippers toss virgin after virgin into a pit and thrill as each is killed by the Great Serpent (all off screen at this point) then Mila is tossed in. Thong appears and frees Ator. The duo slaughters all the serpent worshippers while Mila screams. Ator leaps into the pit to find a huge foam rubber snake which, after a bit of wrestling, he manages to kill.

The epic conclusion has Ator assaulting the 12th century castle from a hang glider, dropping grenades to blast Zor's troops off the walls. He descends through the castle, slaughtering as he goes. Oh, also of note, he no longer uses the Sword of Torran which was his weapon of the last film. Now he's a two sword guy, which is why he is the blade master. He finds Zor beating Akronas in the cave lab. Ator, who has killed countless goons throughout the movie, holds his blade when Zor is disarmed. Akronas says that he must stand trial. What time period is this again? So, again doing the good-is-stupid move, he turns his back and walks away. Luckily, Thong puts a knife in Zor's back before Zor can put one in Ator's.

Ator declines Mila's advances, saying he must travel his path alone. He takes the GN with him and destroys it, resulting in a mushroom cloud; I wonder how he did that without being in the blast radius. The movie ends with Ator riding alone with a voiceover announcing that wherever man is oppressed, Ator will be there, wherever evil arises, Ator will be there, he is Ator the Avenger (even before Captain America).

If anything, Miles O'Keeffe's acting got worse. Certainly the script got considerably worse. However, the lead actress is better than the last one if only because she speaks English. The villain is pathetic. Zor has a drooping mustache and long black hair that is obviously a wig. He is pale and scrawny compared to Ator. He spends most of the movie in conversation with Akronas, trying to get the old sage to reveal where he has hidden the GN or explaining how he will destroy Ator. Still, it is often entertaining in a so bad it's good sort of way.

 

Hundra

Hundra is another movie from the Mist Age of Fantasy (early 1980s) that also sought to benefit from the success of Conan the Barbarian. Hundra (Laurene Landon) is a member of an all-female society hidden in the woods (oddly, Amazon is never mentioned). One day, Hundra heads out to hunt and the village is attacked by warriors who slaughter everyone though the women give a good fight. Hundra returns to find the carnage, her sister and mother among the dead. Some of the men were lying in wait should any women return and they instantly gave chase. She rode for a day and a night with 16 men chasing but finally found the right spot to make her stand. Not surprisingly, she crushed them, only one surviving to ride off.

Hundra then sought out an old woman who lived with dwarves. It turns out the old woman - who also offers narration through the film - was an elder of the all-women movement. The crone advises Hundra to go to the lands of the men who slaughtered the tribe and… get pregnant. Hundra is initially horrified by the prospect but she is the only one who can replenish the tribe; she sees the logic. So, rather than a quest for vengeance, the movie becomes an effort to get knocked up. Of course, that proves harder than it sounds.

The world of Hundra is populated by brutish men who view women as nothing more than chattel to be used and abused; most of the women are resigned to that state of affairs. Thus, Hundra's first attempt at getting pregnant ends in a brawl where she trounces the would-be father of her child. She opts to go to a city where the selection of men will be better. The city houses the Temple of the Bull where women are trained to be submissive and made to look beautiful. Hundra is a prime candidate but she resists being drafted into the temple, resulting in a brawl that spans the city; many soldiers tumble from the city walls. Hundra likewise tumbles from the walls, accidentally, and falls through the roof of a Pateray the Healer.

Pateray is handsome, clean-shaven, and not a brute. Hundra is instantly convinced he is father material and attempts to get him to jump her bones. Oddly, he declines. She's a bit too rough for his tastes. She asks if he likes women from the Temple of the Bull. When he says yes, she immediately surrenders herself to the orange-robed priests for induction. Thus begins the slow part where, like in some modern make-over show, Hundra suffers eyebrow plucking, mud baths, lipstick, clingy clothes, and such. But her sword will yet see more action.

Hundra has a dog. It is a male dog and that is why she thinks he is such a coward. Sure enough, whenever there is a fight, the dog often wanders off or hides. The dog does have one talent: he will grab the reins of her horse and lead it where Hundra next needs her horse. How does he know where that is?

The movie is often campy and could be viewed as an inspiration for Xena. It came out 2 years before the atrocious Red Sonja. The acting is not particularly good but nor is it horrible, especially since much of the cast is European. Not great but a step up from Ator.

Conquest

This 1983 movie was clearly inspired by Quest for Fire (1981), Clash of the Titans (1981), Conan the Barbarian (1982), and a dash of Beastmaster (1982). The story opens on a beach with a band of ghostly figures, presumably gods, preparing Ilias for his quest into the world. Ilias'€™ father, Kronos, gives him words of advice and a magical bow. Ilias looks a lot like Perseus (Harry Hamlin) from Clash of the Titans and his father has a Zeus-like appearance.

Next we come to the realm of Ocron (Sabrina Siani), a witch who claims the power to raise the sun. She is mostly naked, usually wearing only a spiked bikini bottom and a golden mask that encases her head. She likes to writhe on her bed with snakes, reminding me of the Snake Cult from Conan. During one of these writhing romps, she has a vision that a faceless man  who looks suspiciously like Ilias will kill her with a magic bow. She sends her minions to capture this stranger and his bow. Her minions are gnolls and masked humans.

Next we find a young woman with braided hair and skin painted white, very reminiscent of Rae-Dawn Chong in Quest for Fire. She is obliviously idling near a stream while some minions of Ocron watch from the tall grass. A snake slithers toward her, ready to strike. Before it can bite, its head is impaled by an arrow. Ilias makes an awkward attempt to befriend the girl but she runs away. Then Ocron'™s minions attack. Ilias drops several of them with his bow but then, suddenly, he discovers that he has run out of arrows. He sort of stands there dumbfounded for a moment before running and promptly tripping over his own feet. The minions are on him and it looks like our hero is doomed as soon as the movie has begun.

Enter Mace. Armed with what looks like a nunchaku fashioned from a pair of thigh bones, Mace gives the minions a beating and sends those that survive into a headlong flight. Mace is a burly fellow in caveman furs though he is oddly clean-shaven. He'€™s an amiable fellow who tells Ilias that his enemies call him Mace. When Ilias asked what his friends call him, he declares that he has no friends. Nonetheless, he befriends Ilias. The two have a variety of adventures that too often involve one or the other being carried away by Ocron's minions only to then be rescued by the one still at liberty. Mace has a fondness for animals, refusing to kill them but he is willing to eat one that someone else killed. On several occasions, he is either saved by animals or guided by them.

The setting is generally Stone Age (crude stone axes are the most common weapon), which makes Ilias and his magic bow an anomaly. Ocron and her surprisingly well-made cave and metal-worked mask are also more advanced. Ocron uses magic to teleport and also to summon an even greater being than herself, Zora. Zora is completely encased in square plates of metal linked into a body suit. He proves to have the power to polymorph. There is a valley filled with zombies and a rocky region inhabited by cob-web covered beasts with bird-like voices. The setting is so unusual and unique that it makes the movie more interesting than it has a right to be. Sure, it's excessively gory and is populated by one-dimensional characters but that is somewhat mitigated by the glorious weirdness.

The Magic Bow deserves comment. Ilias has his arrows sheathed in his boot, which is a strange choice of quivers. He appears to have only four at any one time and it is never explained how his supply replenishes. But actual arrows are only for the novice with the bow. Once the user overcomes his fear, the true power is revealed. By pulling back on the string, a glowing blue arrow appears and, when fired, will split into multiple arrows (seemed to be a limit of 5) that unerringly strike enemies. Yeah, that's a powerful bow, more so considering the Stone Age weapons of his opponents.

Like many fantasy movies of the era, this one is beset by a constant mist. Yes, it is sometimes so foggy that it is hard to see what is happening. Worse, the cinematographer just loved to have the sun in the middle of the frame. All too often, you find yourself staring into the sun to watch the film which proves the greatest fault of the movie.

The movie is available on Youtube though it is grainy, which is not helped by the sun constantly in your eyes and the heavy fog. To my absolute astonishment, this ranks as one of the top 100 Sword & Sorcery movies (#77), which shows how weak the field is. Even Dungeons & Dragons (2000) made the list (#98).

 

Archer: Fugitive from the Empire

This 1981 TV movie inspired many a magic bow in the D&D sessions that followed. Everyone wanted a Heartbow that could fire exploding arrows, be used as a club that zapped anyone it touched, and even had the power to shove objects. Yeah, that's the bow for me.

The story follows Toran of Malveel, Prince of the Hawk Clan, who was forced to flee for his life after the death of his father. He had been framed for the murder. With his last words, Toran's father sent him to find Lazar-Sa, a great magician and wise teacher. Only by the efforts of Mak, the current bearer of the Heartbow, was Toran able to escape. It comes as little surprise that Mak must transfer the bow to Toran, a transfer that kills the old ranger. Alone, Toran continues to run for his life. However, a hawk is often watching and at one point declares itself an avatar of Lazar-Sa. The hawk says he must go to Kemal where he will be tested. As the hawk flies off, a feather drops and, by happy coincidence, turns into a dozen arrows to replenish Toran's depleted supply. Sweet!

Estra the bikini-clad sorceress also seeks Lazar-Sa but for different reasons. She believes that Lazar-Sa is responsible for her mother's death. In fact, her mother confirms it when Estra communes with her. Though Toran's grandfather did the deed, it was Lazar-Sa who pushed him to it. So, Estra follows Toran, prepared to act when the Hawk clansman should find the wizard. However, she is a bit conflicted since she finds herself attracted to the handsome prince. Another strange thing about Estra was her magic. She could conjure animals - she had a horse to ride, a crow to spy, a panther, and a snake - and commune with her dead mother but in combat she used a long knife. When she confronted Lazar-Sa, she intended to throw a javelin at him. Apparently, her magic is no good for combat.

Slant the Drushan from Drushmar is met along the way. He is a gambler, rogue, and thief. He initially wants the Heartbow for himself - for profit, not as a weapon - but soon settles into a companion role as there is profit in following this do-gooder archer who has little interest in the wealth generated by his actions. The best part about Slant was the tiny dagger on his hat.

Gar, known as the Snake Master or the Dark One, is chasing Toran. He has a band of snake men - thus his title - as his followers and they hiss menacingly at just about everyone. Sadly, by the end of the show, he has lost all his snake men. During one confrontation with Toran, Gar takes an arrow which disables his right arm. Luckily, in a later encounter, he recovers a magic gauntlet that fits nicely and revives the arm. Where the Heartbow has a red glowing jewel, the gauntlet has a blue one.

The show was a pilot for a series that never followed. The plan must have been for Toran to be tested by Lazar-Sa each week with Estra and Slant as questionable allies and Gar the Draikian always on their heels. That sounds like a fun series.

Unfortunately, the production quality is mediocre. Too often, the special effect of choice is to use the film negatives to give everything a backwards look, usually accompanied by a wash of color – blue or red. Early on, there was stock footage of Roman soldiers on the march - in negative, of course - to show the power of the Draikian Empire. We never see more than a score of soldiers after that. This world is full of fog and mist, reminding me of Hawk the Slayer. Maybe all fantasy worlds of the early 80s were beset by mist. It was the Mist Age of Fantasy, a sad fall from the Golden Age. The acting was disappointing. Slant was the best of the bunch, proving to be a very convincing and endearing rogue. Toran and Estra were flat and had almost no chemistry. Still, great fun to watch after all these years.

 

The cast were largely unknowns.  George Kennedy was the biggest star here.  He played Toran's father, Brakus, a role for which he is not suited.  Just as well he died in the opening act.  Richard Moll had a tiny part as a bovine creature.  Being 6'8" is a useful attribute for getting gigs in fantasy films.  Kabir Bedi - a big star in India - played Gar the Draikian.