Snow White and the Huntsman

Finally got around to seeing the other Snow White from last year. The story is much more involved than other versions. Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is a powerful sorceress who maintains her beauty by sucking the life out of others. Her mirror (which looks like a large bronze gong) tells her that she can achieve immortality by eating Snow's heart. She had to wait for Snow to become the `fairest of them all' before the heart eating could commence. Needless to say, Snow escapes on the very day that her heart is to be consumed.

Assisted in her escape by birds that guide her and a horse that carries her, Snow stumbles into a dark forest that few dare to enter. In order to track her, the Queen's brother enlists the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth, AKA Thor) as a guide. The huntsman is a drunkard and doesn't appear to be a very good fighter when first we meet him. Also, he has neither bow nor crossbow but does have several axes. What kind of hunting does he do? That's never explained. The huntsman (he is never given a name in the movie) finds Snow in short order but then switches sides when he learns what is to be done with her.

There are 8 dwarves. I don't think the producers realized that it was only supposed to be 7. However, one does get killed so that 6 dwarves take part in the epic assault on the castle. Wait! Only 6? Yes, another dwarf (played by Bob Hoskins) remains behind during the assault. The dwarves join Snow White and Huntsman soon after the pair emerged from the forest. Snow convinces them not to kill them (I like these dwarves) and to get them to Duke Hammond. Also of note, their names are not Happy, Bashful, and so forth.

Duke Hammond and his son William have resisted Ravenna ever since she slew the king. William was Snow's best friend and constant companion before Ravenna's coup. When he learned that Snow hadn't died during the sack of the castle and had even escaped, he immediately set out to aide her. He is completely in love with her so, once again, Twilight's Kirsten Stewart finds herself in a love triangle: William, Snow White, the Huntsman.

Speaking of Kirsten Stewart, the woman has no acting talent. She shows all the emotion of a Vulcan reading the dictionary and the passion of a potato. Save that she is easy on the eyes and the rightful queen, it's hard to understand what William and the Huntsman see in her. I did like that her Snow didn't become a warrior princess. Sure, she dons armor for the climactic siege but that doesn't make her Xena. She proves to be completely incompetent in battle. After the last Snow White and such things as Alice in Wonderland and Maid Marion in that last Robin Hood, it was refreshing to encounter a heroine who wasn't an awesome fighter.

Charlize Theron makes a fine wicked queen. There are times when she is a sympathetic character and others when her villainy is impressive. She had wormed her way into the king's heart with her phony and relatively easy to beat glass army. When next she uses the glass soldiers, they prove far more effective and pretty cool. Really tough to beat.  Unlike the typical wicked queen, Ravenna has a brother who acts as her enforcer. He chases Snow and her entourage across the country while Ravenna fumes in the castle. The greatest problem with the queen is that, when you add up all the powers she displayed, it is baffling that she couldn't have used them a bit more wisely and won the day.

I did like that this was a fantasy world with a variety of mythic creatures. The dark forest has pollen that causes terrifying hallucinations. There are dwarves who are a race, not a bunch of short guys. There are fairies who were riding the birds that guided Snow to safety during her escape. There is a battle with a troll who was appropriately under a bridge.

I generally liked the movie but the weakest part is the titular character. Kirsten Stewart doesn't have the range for the role. Even so, there is talk of a sequel. I am curious what that would be like. Of note, the mirror was intact and Snow did gaze into it. And there is that unresolved love triangle.

Mirror Mirror

One of the two Snow White movies to come out this year, it was made by the same man who brought us Immortals last year. Our story opens with the Queen (Julie Roberts) narrating the events so far, with her husband the king having vanished in the forest and her step-daughter, young Snow (Lily Collins), being her cloistered ward. Enter Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer).

Alcott and his trusty servant are out for adventure when they are attacked by giants, conspicuously 7 of them. They were getting trounced when the prince managed to topple one of them. The giant's legs retract and suddenly we have an annoyed dwarf. The prince foolishly insults the dwarves and soon finds himself hanging by his ankles with only his pants. Meanwhile, it is Snow's 18th birthday and a busybody baker (Mare Winningham) has put ideas in her head that she is the rightful ruler and should see the state of the realm under the wicked queen's watch. Snow leaves the castle, wanders the realm, and stumbles upon the nearly naked prince.

The story deviates from the classic tale with Snow mostly saving the prince rather than the other way around. Rather than the huntsman taking Snow to the woods to cut out her heart, we have Brighton (Nathan Lane) the cowardly brown-noser who lets her flee into the woods and brave the beast that haunts it. She meets the dwarves who take a liking to her and, in the classic movie training, make her an awesome and confident warrior princess in no time at all. Truly, no time. The prince indicates that only one day has passed during her extensive martial training. To their credit, the prince was still a better swordsman but she defeated him nonetheless. The poisoned apple makes only a cameo and it is Snow who saves the prince with true love's kiss.

The prince does not come off well. One wonders what Snow sees in him. Oh, he banters well enough but he got his butt kicked by dwarves (twice!), was ensorcelled by the queen, gets beaten by the hardly-trained Snow in a sword fight, and must be rescued repeatedly. I am amazed any self-respecting actor took the role. Then again, it is a comedy and no men come off well in this movie.

Setting aside the silly stilts that transform them into giants, the dwarves are an entertaining bunch. They are not named Happy, Dopy, Doc, etc. but they do have characteristics that would fit the original descriptive names. Rather than miners, they are bandits, taking revenge on the Queen who banished them from the kingdom for being ugly. Thus, it seems they are not a race of dwarves but just humans, which doubtless explains the lack of beards.

Julia Roberts as the queen was not the best choice. She is conniving and mean but not menacing. She has several comic scenes, which really detract from the evil queen persona. Plus, her trademark laugh just doesn't fit with the role. Then again, this is mostly a comedy. In a switch from the original, the queen puts the moves on Prince Alcott with notions of marrying him for his money; she had driven this kingdom to bankruptcy and needs the cash. Roberts also plays the mirror, which is an emotionless version of the queen with unspecified but considerable magical powers. The relationship between queen and mirror is never explained though they are inextricably linked.

Much like Immortals, the look is very distinctive. The outfits of the nobility are ludicrous and full of such crazy colors. The rainbow of vibrant colors that was not limited to clothing was bizarre and mostly annoying; there were blue and purple wigs in geometric shapes and starkly clashing garments. The soldiers in the realm wore all black except for a golden helmet that looked like something out of Zardoz. The costumes were too often silly and impractical, which certainly reminded me of Immortals with those crazy helmets on the gods. In the end, the king (played by Sean `Boromir' Bean) returns and, in addition to being dressed in a silly outfit, he has a Don Johnson beard; he looked rather scraggly for a king; I hope Sean got a good payday out of it.

The movie credits play during a Bollywood singing and dancing extravaganza in the throne room where Snow sings `I believe in love.' Lily Collins is Phil Collins' daughter, so the closing music video is probably appropriate.

All in all, it is just okay. Wait for it on broadcast TV.